some guy just walked up to the bench i was on, backflipped off of it, gave me his number and walked away....i love this city
im so poor im using the bottom of my laptop to heat my food.
Your my favorite hello and hardest goodbye.
And I especially mean that last part, half the time you pass out somewhere and it is impossible to get you to leave.
does pizza still have the 5 second rule in the bubble bath?
He blew a load on his roommates pillow just to piss him off. Why did you introduce me to these people?
I wonder if they'd let me siphon the gas out my car before they impound it
Oh. My. God. Dad smoked a bowl. He's been playing cards...I just told a story and when I was done, he got really close to my face and very seriously asked me if he had cheese in his beard. I'm about to die.
I woke up in my living room, on the floor, wearing nothing but a fur coat?
Sure go ahead and start this 'business' with him...just don't come crying to me when you have to fake your own death in two years
I snorted xanax while wearing reindeer antlers. Prancer gone wild. Have a merry Christmas.
We got stuck in traffic in the tunnel while we were smoking weed. We were afraid to air out the car.
P.s. I loved that your balls smelled like coconut
How many fucks given?
0.12846
being broke is really keeping my alcoholism in check
Give me one good reason why I should go with you.
Free beer.
..pick me up at 8.
Randomize
