if you take his cock out, you have to give him a bj. it's like giving a moose a muffin.
took out my tampon, fucked him, and put a new one back in all before he realized I was on my period. beat that one bitch.
Had her hockey skates on in the house. Whole floor is ruined.
some guy i've known for a week sent me nudes saying "you're welcome" i need an award for this birthday
Wow way to turn my death into an oppurtunity to get laid
You destroyed the landscape if my vagina FOREVER.
I think I may be stoned foreverrrrrrrrr. The earth has been around for a long time.
Cocaine can totally be concealed as MAC finishing powder. Drug dealer creds just went up 120 percent
Security deposit gone.
burned down garage with fireworks.
Dude. I've been high for so many hours now that I'm just accepting this as my new reality.
i just want a position where we can lock up like some sort of sexual megatron and go the whole night that way
Her hookup left his underwear and shorts in the dorm last night... What he was wearing when he left, we may never know.
He brought me Plan B in the snowstorm.
A+ 👏🏼
You know your life has gone downhill when someone has to preface your night with "don't get locked in a porta potty"
I got here. Mom yelled "drink of the day is blueberry sangria" and next thing I knew I was on a slip and slide.
Randomize
