so i walk in and shes blowing her vag with a hair dryer. so i asked what she was doing, she said heating up supper.. come eat ;)
i'm so jealous of you right now.
I just sneezed cum. He better have a damn good day at work.
I still cannot believe I yelled at every guy at the bar "you wanna get in this clam?!"
Yes, that was me on the jumbo tron. No, i don't know why i was hiding.
She just licked her nipple in public to get a free bar tab.
I'm gonna make a mold of your dick so I can make popsicles
Sorry I dragged you across a parking lot
She's like my safety school. At the end of the night, if I haven't found anyone better to hook up with, I can always call her if I need a place to drop a load and don't want to rub one out myself. Perfect next door neighbor.
She followed me back, then proceeded to find my room, get her panda suit on? And then raid my room and pass out on my couch... what the fack do I do now?!?!
A man just sang Jennifer Lopez to me out his car window. I am not sure how I feel about this, but it is not positively.
I was drunk, he was taking a bodyshot while avoiding my piercing. I told him I loved him. He waited until I woke up with my hangover to say he loved me too. It was hangover magic.
Please tell me im imagining that i claimed that i was king of the ducks.
I told him I want him to read me my Miranda rights while he's fucking me. Act exactly like he does while he's on duty except with his dick out.
I just bought sparkling water with plan B. I am the most basic bitch to ever exist.
Don't know where this pizza came from but i got breakfast in bed
Randomize
