Dude i fell asleep inside of her
thats awesome
I slept walked to the toilet and woke up pooping. Easily one of the most disorienting events of my life.
As a pleasant surprise..I woke to find a Burrito and Bottle of Gatorade .....Merry XMAS to ME
so he was shitfaced and kept using sticky notes to label everything like "beer spill" and "going to fuck later"
Using his name makes it all too personal. I refuse to get attached to this one. This is all about ass. He doesn't get a name.
Me. You. Shitty green clothes from Savers that we will dub alligator costumes. Middle of the quad tomorrow at noon. Bring your alligator voice and the pearls before swine comic.
I just found the gloves and lightbulb I stole. Did you pee on a ATM inside a bank?
I know he is still a student. I am not asking if his being an underwear model makes it more ethical, just less prosocutable.
bro i dont care how hot she was, you try keeping it up with the amount of puppet he had in her room, it was like fucking in jeff dunham's house
Congrats you've received dick pics from an Olympic silver medalist
I love how when he said ecstasy pills both of our heads whipped around like a couple of horned owls.
Just saw a commercial for non alcoholic baileys cream. WHAT THE HELL IS THE POINT?!
You kept sayin "its alright, I'm pre-med" to everything we said. EVERYTHING.
I drank Dr. Pepper and instant breakfast mix together and threw up sober for the first time.
I WILL go to space. And if we find aliens I WILL fuck one. It’s the Marine Corps way
Randomize