Have fun fixing the bed from last night Bob Villa.
At least you didn't call me Brittany this time
Approach what situation? Look, I dunno if you think I'm like some lezbo cheetah waitin in some shrubs to pounce on you the second I see you, but I'm not!
well, everyone in my office is getting a nice laugh right now. But seriously... please delete my number
Be careful down there, Shane may have pooped on the carpet.
She told me that she faked her orgasm. Does she think I care??
The bong broke. we're having a little funeral followed by an inaugeration service for the new one
You were spitting chewed up pretzle into my hands telling me to hold it for you.
stuck in a tree...bring a ladder. also my arm might be broken. no questions are allowed.
I just stabbed open a can of Spaghetti Os with a spork. Who says I cant take care of myself?
i was trying to figure out what "tidy fucking" was when i realized he meant "titty fucking" and i need to start banging smarter people....
I saw this news story about two naked Satanists being arrested so I thought I should ask if you need bail money or pants
I just realized now that you're pregnant we can't use alcohol as currency
I now have a other guy willing to drive 3 hours for my vagina. At my next gyno appointment I'm asking her if there's cocaine in there.
Went to take a shower. Brought my wine, forgot my towel.
What can I say, like your penis. The fact that I like the person attached to it helps too
I'm seriously considering starting a savings account so I'll have bail money this summer.
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