you're like a bully in the Christmas story
my ass hurt today after the party last night. I wnt to the doctors and they found a coin in a ziplock bag with a note from you. WHAT THE FUCK DID U DO TO ME???
Fact: The drinking you do in college doesn't affect your liver in real life.
He then proceeded to try to whisper up my nose...
This is even worse then that time I fucked a guy just because he had air conditioning.
The cabbie told us to at least pretend we weren't doing coke while he was driving
Our room will be decorated with my urine.
Hon, I found you crying into a bathrobe in the back of a closet with a broken shoerack.
i could have been the DD. this is ridiculous. i'm the most sober and getting the least ass.
C'mon. I'm still an alcoholic at heart, regardless of its broken or not
wanna mail me your GoPro for St.Patties and I'll mail it back to you coverend in puke?
He's on the bus now and took off his Amish hat so just his long ginger beard is present. Goodbye, majestic Amish ginger. Go forth and represent your minority well.
my parents have to start far too many of our conversations with the sentence "this is an observation, not a judgment" than I'm proud of
The first thing my Christmas gift money is buying is a dildo.
I'm wearing men's underwear
I don't know what to do with that information...
Randomize
