Yeah I'm buying him lunch right now because I shot him with the fire extinguisher last night
Did we both pass out talking about cake last night?
I almost punched the night nurse in her face. I woke up and she was standing over me.
you were cooking a hot pocket with a grill lighter what did you want me to do
I've decided to tape numbers to the bottom of my heels corresponding to the number of drinks I can safely consume in them.
Get to the bar. Power hour leading up to the rapture.
Ssssssssssshhhhhhhhhhhiiiiiiii!iiiiiiiiiitttttttttttttttssssssssssssshhhhhhhhooooooooowwwwwww. Letters for emphaSSIIISISEEEE!
She slapped his drink out of his hand to get him to leave the bar while he and I were having an intense debate about the lyrics to mmmbop
on a scale of 1 to 'no sex' how busy are you this week?
One day, tell me please to stop buying shots when I'm overwhelmed. I might have just broken a tooth
What is your life?
A tangled mess of finals and bad decisions.
I should be done at 8 and I've also done a great Job of convincing my self that I should get really drunk tonight
Let's put a bunch of beers in a backpack and shotgun them in a Red Lobster bathroom
Why am I sleeping on top of the fridge?
You were playing hide and seek with the dog. she couldn't find you and you passed out.
You stumbled into the hotel room escorted by security and then went into the bathroom sat by the toilet, threw up for hours while slamming your head on the wall and whimpering "why" over and over.. I went to bed
Randomize
