Don't be mad at me. I know peeing in your drawer is 1 thing and peeing on you while you're sleeping is another, but im sorry..i love you
Fiestas. Its like a classier verson of mardi gras.
Lol i'z typing this with my 962 nose
962=my?
Yeah.i
I wish all the girls i wanted to sleep with knew how big my dick was then id have a better chance
If your pregnant with his baby maybe we can start getting weed for free.
What's the appropriate I've been inside you but we're not technically dating valentines present?
The amount of my urine my roommate has consumed after I found out he's been eating my food almost offsets how angry I am
Went to 3 separate liquor stores today and I just made a huge tray of jello shots. This will be the Thanksgiving that puts all the others to shame.
His morals are debatable, but his heart or perhaps his penis is in the right place.
His penis is crooked. Right place? Maybe he starts there, but then he slants.
Chipotle just hit me... I want to go sit in the corner of the shower and cry until morning.
He painted a swimsuit on me. Naked day at the lake was a success.
Your babysitter texted, wants me to pay with weed. I don't know where to get any & don't want to. Will she take cigarettes instead? Or um, cash? Like a person?
Dude this weed has me so paranoid.
Yeah tell me about it I just screamed after I coughed because my own cough scared me.
Okay so my roommate deals some drugs so whenever he leaves we can hook up, be ready
I didn't know I was the on call booty call damn
I need like a billion tiny bottles of alcohol to put in the patron pinatas
Randomize
