Someone wrote that you're a whore in one of the bathroom stalls
I didn't know I was popular enough to be hated. This is awesome
Don't you hate it when all three people suddenly sober up in the middle of a threesome. Awwwwkward.
I can't believe they didnt cut us off after we all hugged each other and started singing "were the 3 best friends that anybody could have" RIGHT IN FRONT of the bar and bartender...
I can't decide who is the bigger alcoholic: you for opening that bottle of wine just now or me for hearing it in the other room over the air conditioner
You have plans tonight?
Stress crying into a bottle of long island ice tea mix...other than that nope
Gave him an awesome blow job on his living room couch last night, so at least he'll have something nice to think about next time he's watching the Tigers lose.
OMGGG I JUST SAW A REAL OWL JUST CHILLING ON TOP OF A SIGN POST. I WALKED UP TO HIM AND SAID HOO HOOOOO AND HE TURNED HIS HEAD AT ME AND WAS LIKE YEAHHH BRO
You wanted to thank my penis. You wanted me to take the condom off so you could touch it and thank it.
Do u feel more socially accepted since someone else made up their girlfriend too?
If you've ever wondered what a shitshow is, just watch me at the bar on a Friday. Or Tuesday. Take your pick.
Know what the best part of waking up for work after a drinking vacation is? It's an easy question. Nothing. Nothing is the best part of that.
So I just noticed that my last drunk google search before going to bed last night was "ghosts based on gays." I have no idea what that's supposed to mean
We were in a bathroom while 4 dudes compared dick piercings.
Buffalowww
just hooked up with a guy ON MY CAMPUS VISIT. god only knows whats gonna happen when im actually a student
there is a naked boy in my bed & you just need to kick him out because i do NOT want to see him when i'm sober.
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