did the walk of shame from ex-boyfriend's room only to find other ex-boyfriend sitting in the living room. some people shouldn't be allowed to be friends.
some people shouldn't be allowed to be desperate.
i just realized i've been trying to levitate the potatoe chip out of her hand for the past ten minutes. i think i smoked to much.
I just saw a girl walk by me wearing a "kiss me I'm pro choice" shirt. Is that a signal for easy access?
Swear. I think after passing out in a community college parking lot I can safely nominate myself for the piece of shit of the year award
THEY HAVE A VOMIT TROUGH.
What?
A TROUGH FOR VOMIT.
I knew his night was already over when he started marking lines on the bottle and setting goals
Is it possible to have pulled a muscle in my neck from passing out with my head in a bucket?
Hey history final, how's it feel to be raped in the ass by my steel cock of ACADEMIC PERFECTION?
you are way too vulgar to be a girl
"Let's chug a beer then make out" doesn't sound as nice, but it would prob make him cum right there.
Let's just say after this weekend I'm known as Shameous the Irish bar fighter.
the upside of dating someone over 21: he can buy me a pregnancy test AND a bottle of wine when he goes to cvs for me
I don't know what weirder, the fact that I flat out said "I thought I deleted you from facebook" or that she responded with "I just hacked your account and readded myself". Never thought I'd say this but I wish drunk me would stop making friends!
i swear i just dislocated a hip staying still
Dougie got over his pride nerves. Found him dancing on a float wearing nothing but rainbow boxers.
I threw up off of your balcony and it must have been loud because the dog downstairs went insane.
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