speaking of unleashing monsters, we need to get condoms
At the wedding. Seated next to the bar. No way this ends well
my little brother just asked me why i have handcuffs. How do I tell him that his sister likes being taken advantage of in the bedroom?
Like if god were to send me a cock shot, that's what it would look like.
Dude, she sent me a nude of her posing in the mirror and her dad was in the reflection
All I know is you walked out of the kitchen in some kind of French onion dip bra and started passing out individual chips to guys saying " do you dip?"
his basement wasnt heated so when i asked for a hoodie someone gave me a kimono.. i passed bc who the fuck knows where that shit has been recently
It's no longer hooking up, we have definitely graduated to Sport Fucking....
Fair warning: I will be throwing corn dogs at you every time I see you this week.
It was a blind-side dick pic.
I feel like the first time i have to use my accident insurance its going to be in some sex mishap with you.
She started throwing ice at me and started yelling, "Holy water bitches! This is an exorcism!"
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
Damn that brownie almost kicked my ass. I'm not sure if my flight home lasted 10 minutes or 10 days..
Christ, I'm so hungover I pretty positive I sent Luna to school with salsa instead of jelly on her sandwich.
Randomize
