Having your wife answer your cell was so lame. Maybe we can talk when you get your phone, your facebook account, and your balls back.
You should have seen k-money last night. She was just hanging on to the toilet for half the night. By her fourth trip to puke, she started talking to it and was doing the voices for her and it. She kept saying "...we thank you for your continued business..." haha
Cumbucket.....OH MY GOD THAT COMES UP AUTOMATICALLY NOW!!
well since you're still married, you will be paying for my abortion right?
the point i decided it was time to leave was when i was on the floor of the bar, after taking her down with me, and a table.
He just came in my nostril. Never look down when a guy is pulling out during missionary.
We don't have a ruler. Come downstairs and lay in the snow with a boner so we can see how much snow we've gotten. Put your 8 inches to a less shameful use.
searching "dave" under the university of pittsburgh on facebook was not exactly how i hoped to find my baby daddy
I don't care how hot he got, I can't get past the PTSD flashbacks of the first time he fingered me
Yeah just got a blowjob at busch stadium during the cardinals game childhood dream realized
You're making her cookies in enchange for knitting lessons. You will die a virgin.
Drunkness level: fluent in olde norse
I'm literally taking a shit naked holding a bottle of wine.
We're the worst. Two people without their shit together do not make a functional adult.
Just realized that I bailed on you guys yesterday just so I could get wendy's. it was worth it but still, sorry
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