did she really think she could get into the club & no one would recognize her from 16 & pregnant???
Im really high right now and the vending machine is broken and giving out free candy. Please kill me, my life will never get better than this
Fucked her within an inch of her life. Seriously. Don't choke bitches when they ask. Was way too drunk to be pulling that shit.
THERE ARE SO MANY GREAT DICKS IN THE WORLD. HOW DID I NOT DISCOVER THIS SOONER!?
If the EMT's ask later... I had 5 hour energy for breakfast and Four Loko for dinner... It might be important for them to know that
I dislocated my rib eating pizza. I think I am broken.
Yeah well tell that to drunk me. She seems to have no standards or gender preference.
you regret 100% of the tequila shots you do take. thats what gretzky meant to say
Is cereal technically a soup?
Fuck, I'm high.
I mean I'm so obviously classy currently laying in bed watching a movie while finishing my drink from last night
I woke up with jello shots in pant pockets so I must've had fun
I told her my hands felt like they touched the sun, never been that stoned before
Just threw up mid-poop. I can't drink like I used to.
in fetal position in his closet not sure if he knows im here... hugging his spongebob cake pan i stole.... now please come find me..
Normally getting fucked up with the owner and suggesting he motorboat me wouldn’t help my chances of a promotion, but this is 2020 and he definitely enjoyed it
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