I'm in that akward stage between jailbait and cougar
his internet history is a lot of porn, how to make a hovercraft and side-effects of jacking off too much
And then I have a slight inkling that I went up to the bar and tried to order the bartender.
We were just about to get down to business and shes like oh the olympics! and jumped up and turned on the tv. cockblocked by freestyle skiing. seriously?
Who won mens moguls?
That canadian guy... bilodeau... but you're missing the point, dude.
you'll be glad to know I got kicked off the microphone at a bar in Breckenridge last night thanks to my country rendition of all star
she said she's never had and orgasm AND she's a cubs fan...ouch.
i'm laying here naked in a pile of empty landshark bottles, is lauren still hiding under the toilet?
We kept trying to bring you to the hospital but you had a tantrum and kept saying you would never be Miss America
So, I'm stoned at his house petting the neighbors cat I made him steal.
You're a fucking train wreck.
Do they sell "congrats in losing your virginity!" cards and do they come in gay?
Welcome to Missouri, the show me your genitals state.
he was like tryna hang and chat and I was like dude there's an iguana in this room
He was so wasted he lit his sink on fire with shit he found in his room....it was smokeless. Chemistry majors drunk = the coolest shit ever.
Theres a handprint of sauce on my fridge, one on my face, and a trail of it leading to my bedroom, and sauce all in my bed, and I have no idea what the fuck i ate.
I promise it wsnt a penis when i put it in my mouth
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