if you ever come into my room screaming for me to set up rockband at 4:45 am ever again i will kill you
I don't get why Lindsay Lohan doesn't just blame her bad behavior on her twin sister from the Parent Trap. I mean nobodys seen her since.
Ita all starting to make sense i need vodka like i need air
All I could think of during that funeral was how great I look in a suit, how creepy catholics are, and how horny I am.
I flashed some kids doing a church car wash. I feel like I really improved the quality of their lives.
Apparently I was proudly showing him the cup I barfed pizza rolls into
I'm closer to stabbing a fork in my neck than finishing this resume.
Then that means he's outwardly conservative. Inwardly he's a total gay horndog. He's like a spy that can ruin conservative plans.
I want to change all my life goals to that.
The sweaty, naked apartment dance party wasn't complete until I threw the whole jar of glitter on us. It was like the icing.
Still trying to figure out where I was when someone broke the lawn chair and put it in the bathroom.
He has a burner phone just to send dick pics. It's revolutionary
I swear to god....if you can give yourself a brazilian you can take a fucking bullet
So high, just applauded for a magic trick on Hulu.
I would give a kidney to fuck him and he knows it. That bastard.
My mom added me on Snapchat which means I am officially done with Snapchat.
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