she works at a police station now. i think thats the definition of keeping your enemies closer.
But like now everytime I pee I just think... wow I had sex with him on this toilet.
That's two mile stones in one shot. A ginger and that's my third ashley.
Please call me back as soon as your phone is charged, if you die tonight I don't want the last thing I said to you to be "I just farted a little"
I've reached the slutty point of no return. And it feels like multiple orgasms and coke lines
Ill give you a 4 hour blow job if you make my nephew go to bed.
My phone autocorrected your name to "grownup." that couldn't be more inaccurate. I'm getting a new phone.
Some toppless girl just walked past me in the hall and gave me half a carton of smokes. I have never been more aroused.
You can't give me tequila around boys who have girlfriends. That ain't new.
If I'm going to keep blacking out this much I need to start taking more pictures.
5 seconds ago I had no idea that a fart could travel so fastly thru the tanning bed. I taste it in the back of my neck.
Hypothetically speaking...if I was arrested in Wisconsin, say Kenosha county, would you post my bail all the way from Oregon? If yes, will you also accept my collect call in t-minus 13 hours?
she just sent our roommates a message asking them for a parakeet. are you gonna call later?
Last night I made out with two lesbians while dancing with another girl. I'm pretty sure it wasn't even real life.
Last time i cooked this high i tried to makw bacon amd then burned myselfbon the grill, only to realize 25min latwr when the bacon wouldnt cook that the grill wasn't on. I IMAGINED the burn.
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