Dont touch anything! You just got rid of your crabs!
I got oddly confused when she started talking in third person in bed.
ugly people sure do ruin things
college drinking is stealing all my money, thank god planned parenthood is somewhat free
I hurt. I blacked out in a onesie. Reevaluation needs to happen.
I woke up with like grass burns all over my body, i'm pretty sure i made out with someone under a bus. . . but i'm not sure
My grandpa is giving me detailed instructions on how to fight a second floor bedroom fire from a ladder on the out side. Just in case
I don't even know what beauty is right now. I wouldn't even pity fuck me today.
Its Nebraska, I'm sure im not the first person to wake up hungover in a corn field.
If you come home soon there's a stripper in the shower. Don't be alarmed
It's a drunk scavenger hunt.
Everything on the list counts for double points if done naked.
you ate the make a wish sign. Like actually chewed on it. It was our solution to going outside when the cops were there
Plus, I have my cousin, the dominatrix, to help me out if things get out of hand
Its okay I found my bra. ...it was on your cat. I wont ask questions.
I don't have a cat..?
Fuck it, I work hard. I deserve nice sex toys
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