no morals, dignity, or self respect ... just an empty condom wrapper and a facebook request
maybe i'll see you again later :)
I'd rather shit a knife.
Pre-order weed for 4/20 and i'll give you a discount.
He was going down on me and raised up for a minute, slipped and punched me in the face. My lady boner left immediately.
he was gone before i woke up. left a pee stain, phone number, note and $20 for sheets. safe to say i will not be calling.
He busted his lip while trying to keep from passing out in the pool. The hotel people don't seem to be too concerned that we're passing around a bottle of SoCo at 11 am.
Your job is getting in the way of our day drinking. Shots on the hour are not as cool alone.
Hey just wanted to let you know my nose is broken and I have a fractured wrist. I told you it wasn't a slip and slide.
Dude I didn't think you'd do it. I mean come on, who puts a slip and slide on their driveway?
Don't lose. A little bit of my soul dies every time a beer pong game is lost.
See this is why people shouldn't jump into marriage. See what type of drunk you're engaged to first.
He even wore it to bed. What the hell. He's too excited about that goddamn costume.
He gave me the "find somebody who wants to date you for who you are" speech while I walked around the house asking people for pants.
The only words we could get out of him as he stared catatonically into space were "Everyone I know and love is dead"
Ooooh no. Jesus take the wheel, or Moses. SOMEBODY TAKE THE WHEEL
I just bought a slurpee and condoms. God bless America.
Randomize
