My professor really needs to stop abbreviating. I'll never remember what "Fun. Anal. Trade-offs?" means when i study.
filled out health questionnaire for lower premiums a little bit too honestly. Literally got assigned a life coach.
i cant finish this easy-mac because i need it for a chaser.
god is playing jersey shore on new years on purpose. he wants me to play drinking games and die. i wish he knew how serious this is.
Just promise me you won't ring in the new decade by clutching onto a toilet
Bering your kids um. Abiout tol. Throw up
I GOT JUDGED BY A GUY WORKING AT THE LEAST CLASSY STRIP CLUB. Peeing isn't a right, it's a privilege.
i passed out twice in the shower, twice on the bathroom floor, once holding the toilet bowl and 8 times moving from the bathroom to my bed. Tequila sucks.
He's a doctor now.. hope he can cure his small dick
And now to play every stoner's favorite game: Where the Fuck Did We Park the Car?! Disneyland Edition!
Everyone is all excited about the iPhone 7 being water resistant and I'm only concerned with whether or not it can be destroyed by salsa or cum
There's no triumph quite like finally banging your high school boyfriend 6 years later
It's not even a normal fucking affair I've found myself in. It's a fucking bdsm clusterfuck.
I just wiped my butthole and there was glitter down there.
I had to remind him last night as he had his arm around me, "We hook up, we don't cuddle!"
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