At a straight bar and poker face just came on...must...resist....urge to gay it up
Why would that come on at a straight bar? I thought they just played Don't Stop Believin and Wonderwall on repeat
you'll never believe how fucking awesome rain man is when you're stoned.
I need you to promise me that the first one to find out our kids smoke weed, takes the weed so we can smoke it ourselves
So after i got done, she went over and got out her gecko, I felt like I was in an X rated geiko commercial.
I am so stoned and my professor is handing out candy. I love Halloween.
Taking my infected piercing out in the parking lot of the food card place. This is one of those life defining moments that makes me sad.
Thought it only fitting this Jubilee weekend to snort lines with a 50 note
Your patriotism amazes me, the Queen would be proud!
Just made a floating bacon boat for the hot tub. This is what America is all about.
you just missed a great speech in which i almost coined the term "ass-ian" as in "my vaginal and ass-ian regions are no longer safe"
God please dont post that to facebook.
I mean jail does seem alright, all the free broth you can eat.
This is the third year in a row that Mario has fallen through a table on New Years. I'm sensing a tradition developing.
At some point, I’d like to pretend that his penis is a popsicle.
I smoked all his weed and he hasn't noticed yet. But I might need a place to crash when he does
I have one goal now that I am in the USA. To find a man I can fuck into marriage before my visa runs out.
You know when you're a kid and you play at the pool until you passed out? It was like that except instead of playing it was sex.
Randomize
