We need to start having sex underwater more often.
Confirm for me that it's be a bad idea to sleep with the 50 year old that's currently hitting on me?
I think he's on the stoner protein diet. I just saw him, at 3 am, spreading mayo on a slice of deli ham and sprinkling salt on top.
Beer Popsicles are better in theory
literally hosing herself off in my back yard with the hose. i offered her the shower but she refused. that drunk.
This inappropriate post strip club text brought to you by Cheetah of Palm Beach and vodka. Blowjob in the champagne room and the clap for the low low price of your paycheck.
I take back all the times I've said life was unfair. I'm about to have two trained bartenders for a girlfriend and roommate
is it weird that I didn't think he was hot last night when I was making out with him but right now I'm Facebook stalking him and think he's really attractive??
your beer goggles are on backwards.
Sudden memory flashback: drunk me outside ripping my tampon out and throwing it into the neighbors yard, silently cheering 'time for sexxxx'. I sense a dangerous pattern emerging
You may want to re-read your sent texts from last night. You were texting me about your "fire shits" spelled 6 different ways between 3 and 5:30 AM.
Was asked out on a date tonight on Linked In. That creepy genius at apple that touched my butt one time in the back stairwell. I thinks it's fair to say I've hit rock bottom.
He fell asleep cradling my ass and every time I moved he adjusted his hand accordingly. I've found the one.
You have got to be the only man who has passed out while getting a lap dance.
If I call him daddy should I get him a father's day card? Serious question
I had a threesome with my hot neighbor and his GF and by threesome I mean I heard them getting it on in their apartment and I was in my apartment with a vibrator
and I may have moaned his name loud enough that they heard me because now he won’t make eye contact
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