Yea and his cousin visited from central and i fucked her i was texting him at work teasin him about it but sent it to his mom by accident
So he says "lean over this" which is a chain across the doorway, held into the wall with bolts. I do. Then he puts his weight on top of me to try and get it in.
It breaks. We fall.
I now have a broken nose, a concussion, and an infected, split lip. Why do I have the worst luck in guys?
So... My dad just saw the Plan B package and the beer cans in my backseat.
Oh its cool I'm sure he already knows you're a whore and an alcoholic.
She called me Jeff during sex, I just kept going like nothing happened. To think, if I was a woman that would be a problem.
Is it bad that I voted for Scott Brown because I want to fuck him?
Nah. I did too.
dont get me wrong, i like when a guy is into my boobs but when he started saying mama i want milk let me suck, i gathered my shit together and bounced.
And then I interrupted the father of the groom, to ask if she was "ballet or pole" in the middle of his story about his niece, the dancer.
I'm single as of 11 minutes ago. I was the chick who drunkenly tried to climb into bed with you 2 weeks ago. Wanna make this happen?
I didn't get a chance to take any pics but the mental snapshot of her boyfriend calling her directly after we finished was a really special moment I wish I could properly share with you.
Thank god for federal credentials. Waaaaayyyy to hungover to go through airport security lines right now.
That moment when your fucking in an airport bathroom and forget to lock the door. That poor man...scarred forever...
Had a dream I cut my own dick off. That's it I gotta see a doctor...
Umm
Exactly.
i just need to find someone who enjoys eating frozen waffles as much as I do. It will be perfect.
Last night when I blacked out, I ate Chef Boyardee. I never want to be that drunk ever, ever again.
He literally asked permission to hit on me
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