trent lit his nipple on fire and said "i am the only highlander"
airport. 106 proof japanese liquor. 4 little travel size containers. im proud to be smarter than the average american.
I just saw her punch a kid in the face.. i always knew she was the girl for me.
as my niece was drinking milk out of a crown royal glass i realized i dont think i've ever bought a glass that didnt come with a bottle of liquor....
Broke up w/ my married coworker...work is gonna get weird.
God you people are gross. Come collect your unconscious friend.
We didn't want to make a pit stop so I just helped my husband pee in a bottle. No one told me this was part of love.
I think I've just evolved into some kind of vodka fueled monster
The bouncer was just about to kick Sarah out for getting with this guy 'too physically'. I told him that was 'her style' and he let them stay. Banter.
I'll always remember 2012 as the year I hooked up with countless girls who had the sides of their heads shaved.
You kept saying you only wanted to drink until you were sleepy. You succeeded if "sleepy" means you sleepied around with 4/6 of the guys there.
Fireball goes down like mother's milk. Btw your housemate is naked
Basically all I do anymore is get stoned with my cats, and then we share goldfish.
First contact since we had sex and it's to get my HBO password. I sure pick winners huh
I still can't believe I was army crawling thru his backyard at 2am..
Randomize
