oh well we may not be friends on facebook but at least i got laid
just found a beer in my hamper. even my laundry is a dirty alcoholic.
Keeping my bail papers as a souvenir from when I was arrested. Too weird?
well after he sqeezed a zit off his forearm i got the hell outta there
like in an apt above a crackhead. A LEGIT CRACKHEAD. he woke me up every morning this week asking me if I wanted to buy a mini fridge and some CDs. at 5 am. EVERY DAY.
Umm. Any where really. Alcohol and boobs. Those are the requirements.
There's just something about sucking a flaccid dick that makes me feel so calm. Like a baby cow..
How do I know if porn I have watched is haunted?
It's like the blind leading the senile over here.
UPDATE: shit just got real- grandma is threatening to beat grandpa with a wooden spoon covered in chili.
The judge mental looks i am getting while looking at porn on my phone sitting in the urgent care waiting room is gonna get way worse when they find out im here to see if im pregnant
I just did a booty-call caliber shave job in preparation for this weekend. Fuck being ladylike; I'm tryna get LAID-ylike
hooked up with someone last night while wearing walrus pajama pants. clearly I'm accomplishing big things in life
I've peed in two sinks in the past two weeks. No one should be able to say that.
You reached new levels of laziness. After we woke you up to take shots with us, you stayed in bed so you didn't have to move when you were drunk and sleepy
this dude is way too smart. he just explained to me the different scientific components of drugs while we smoked. i said i loved icecream.
Randomize