Sharpest. Poop. Ever.
Yea i traded my bed for half a bag of jimmy johns jalepno chips, am I proud of it no, Am I happy I did it? yes
I'm currently blowing up the downstairs bathroom at work. I wish I could foursquare this.
she found me naked passed out on the toilet and i just kept repeating "i'm like elvis, but not dead."
Sorry no. I've already promised my first single hookup to somebody.
I just found what appears to be a tooth in my purse...anybody missing one?
hahaha lucky. I'm fishing with some dude I just met when I woke up next to the mohawk river
I found him. We're on the way back to the condo. He was sitting in the lifeguard stand letting people passing by take pictures of his nipples for a buck each..he made 15 dollars
I take back all of the insults I've ever said toward those money makers
I feel like I just lived out a children's book called "The Day I Went to Law School Stoned"
I found a pair a guys underwear in my purse that has a British flag on it and says and I quote "British beef" what.the.fuck.
You gotta pick a side. My suggestion: side with tits.
He was just lying on the living room floor watching Star Wars with six empty pack of cigarettes and two empty cases of beer.
In his defence I guess I did take the bed, couch and dining room set in the breakup.
Okay so I'm high eating chili cheese fries bra-less watching Mulan, could I be doing any better at life right now?
See this is where I mess up.. I get distracted by the option of consistent sex and free beer
I associate the Game of Thrones theme song with his dick now.
Randomize
