my vag is singing 'hurts so good' by john mellencamp
At what number of girls whose last names are stored in your phone book as drinking establishments does it become excessive?
I truly believe that the solid foundation of any healthy relationship is a drunken one night stand so I can just get all the nasty shit out on the table
I never thought that taking apart multiple age 5 and under puzzles would be part of my house party clean up process.
Yeah, sorry about that. I just couldn't stop.
I stole an ensure out of their fridge and started chugging it. That was when Maria made me leave.
he made me feel like a shish kabob. his dick was the skewer.
and you said he wasn't worth calling.
I just walked in on my lesbian roommate having sex in the kitchen, and it was awesome. We proceeded to shots naked together. Happy birthday to me.
I can feel my pain tolerance has shot up right along with my libido
You tried to bite my nipple like 3 times
NAh son
Just general bites
I was loaded. my pee still has a hint of lime
When that wave blew your top off I heard someone yell "SPANK BANK"
As a former fat girl, that's probably the best compliment I've ever received ever!
It's gotten to a point that when guys say "I'm gonna cum" I've developed a habit of responding "dooo itttt" in a deep voice. #isthatweird
Your birthday is now over. Your day in the spotlight has dimmed and now you're as special as everyone else. The world goes back to revolving around me. Good night.
Just took a shot of 151, rimmned my middle finger in it, lit it on fire and lit a cigarette off it while flicking off my boss. How was your night??
Maybe because you rubbed my clit while we were making churros
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