If last night was a website it would be called poordecisions.com OR uncircumcisedspanishweiner.org
You know, Peter Parker would not have been nearly as cool if he had gotten bitten by an ant.
Surefire way to sober up: discover that your car is being towed at 2 am.
we had to stop you from eating moldy cake.. twice.
I can't remember if the bartender cut you off after you broke your glass or after you wished the bar a happy winter solstice during your karaoke number.
you asked the janitor if you could ride his floor cleaner.
Did you not learn anything for "HERPES SCARE 2010".........
Last I saw him was around 10 this morning. He was passed out on the porch with his head under the barbeque cover and there were cups of orange juice around him as well as loose tobacco spread everywhere. Good luck getting a hold of him.
Just found out I called my mom at six in the morning to ask where the bong was. I win.
Actually, I may scrap this entire plan. I just realized that I had sex with a guy with his own whiskey commercial.
She took me to ER. She says thought it was a squirtgun filled with vodka and she was 'marking me for later.' Thank god it's a flesh wound, and we're cool and going to date.
gtg, the cops are here
Its one thing to reject me, but to reject me AND my hottest friend AT THE SAME TIME!?!?
Woke up this morning to him making out with me in his sleep, then I had to go on a scavenger hunt to find a used condom before my roommate got back... it was under my pillow.
Sex was followed by homemade breadsticks. I waited till after the breadsticks were gone to tell her i had a gf.
I refuse to take any type of advice let alone love advice from a motherfucker who is missing 3 fingers from a Fucked up masturbating accident.
Randomize
