I accidentally broke up with him while I was drunk which is really too bad since I'd just gotten a birth control perscription so we could start having sex.
Do you think he'd take me back if I said "dude, we need to get back together or this IUD is going to have an existential crisis for not realizing its full potential"?
Banged a lazy eyed chick last night. It was like fucking an iguana.
he came up my nose again i swear he does this just to piss me off
we're tailgating intramural basketball with hard drugs and tequila...and i think the players are taking shrooms
Penises. Penises everywhereeeeeeeee. Penis ratio is sooo disproportionate. I can't NOT get laid tonight.
She kept looking at me and saying "you are the scary high".
Don't worry. I told him just because you've gargled some balls in the past doesn't mean you'll be handling his.
I really wanted that to be shared. Thank you.
I'm still drunk. I put on workout clothes this morning and just puked in my bathroom. That's the same as going to the gym, right?
I'm drinking and working out! I'm bench pressing the beer pong table and doing push ups and lifting the chair.
I actually feel a twinge of sadness recycling all of our handles... I feel like I'm throwing out some great memories or lack of them because we don't remember
Look, when i woke up this morning, I had every intention of being a responsible twenty-five year old, cleaning up, making my budget, and filing my taxes. Its just I got siderailed by pot and downloading classic Disney songs, because fuck adulthood; everyone loves Disney.
I saw your dick pic and thought there goes the last thread of my heterosexuality.
My vagina needs a break, I had to ice it with a beer bottle last night.
Yeah it got awkward when the two guys we were playing beer pong against realized that I'd hooked up with both of them. Their teamwork declined after that.
Shame - the story of my life.
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