if you don't start talking to me i'm gonna tell your gf that you said she tastes bad
I will be home in 10 min. Dont be beating off on the couch
enter at your own risk
I wouldn't call it sex. It's like when you put a plug in a socket half way. It's not all the way in but it still turns on the light.
Pooping in your heated bathroom to the sound of rain and instrumental guitar might be the greatest experience ever.
you left your dildo in my car
rules of finders keepers apply
Sorry for walking in on you guys last night. FYI I have a bruise on my forehead from having the door slammed in my face. I deserved it.
noooo, I woke up on his pack porch and the SUN WAS RISING. I saw red lights everywhere and heard sirens so I just ran for my life.
You know what's soul crushing? Walking to subway and find out you were too drunk to put on shoes and being denied service.
Um. I literally have no words.
God loves me. So high, craving Jimmy Johns chips, looked down, unopened bag in front of me. Still doesn't feel real
I just can't even fathom the crazy and I work at a mental hospital.
Nice. The Governor's son bruised my vagina.
That's going to be the title of my memoir.
you said you wanted to call me grandma and give me hugs
Really though. It's your life, live it how you want
And I do mostly. Which is why I'm now drunk in my room writing erotica
2016 is coming through for me, I'm renaming it the year of great dick
what the fuck happend anyway? How did it go from smoothies after work to blacking out?
Randomize
