she just fell off the couch. onto a bag of pretzels. her face resembled a cat that just swallowed a sock.
she's naming her girl london marie
that kid will be born with a tramp stamp
the only bad part about drinking alone is that in the morning there's nobody who can tell you what you did
I left my toothbrush at her house. This is getting way too serious for me.
just had wine and brownie batter for dinner. Single life is good
I mean, how many people can say they helped surgically remove something from their body? Other than the guy that got his hand stuck under a rock and cut it off. Doesn't count
So I woke up in a strange bed with a note taped to my arm giving me directions back to my brothers apartment.
I feel like fucking him is something we all do but don't want to admit to. like masturbating or peeing in the shower
Did u see the proverb she left as a comment on my picture?
I wonder what chicks would think if they learned that when we add them on fb we email their bikini pics to each other.
Ok cuz s'mores night just turned into pina colada after noon and it will be mas fun
He said "I can't wait for you to feel me inside of you so I can tell you gently that you're mine" and left me a 4 minute voice mail of him crying after I told him I didn't want to be with him. 30 year olds are off limits.
I just had sex over my oven then high fived the guy. It's going to be a good year.
Will you be doing the frenzied booty dance of passionate ownage on my penis tonight
We ended the night eating peanutbutter with our hands and smoking cigarettes in the house at 4am. Fucking Everclear, man.
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