Look at my ENTIRE past
Highly public sexual behavior gross mismanagement of funds socially unaccpetable and radical speech and thought
Might as well have a blog about it at this point
wouldve been great, if we lived in constant slow motion cause that shit lasted 30 seconds and half the time he was putting on the condom
So I hogged the stall at Denny's for so long that a little kid shit his pants and ran crying to his mother. Am I a terrible person for this being the proudest moment of my life?
i decided not to call her again when she started singing "goodbye my lover" as i was walking out the door..
I can't finish this paper in my room because every time I get distracted I start masterbating. I think it's time to go to the library...
I just figured out that you can toast a marshmallow with a butter knife and a cigarette lighter. I'm like a retarded Mister Wizard
What part of i'm handcuffed to an oven do you not understand?
He's hinting that I'm starting to be kicked out of their blunt rides, I can feel it.
I get off at the next exit which doesn't have a shoulder, a guy is riding my ass so I cant stop. I think I got as much puke on his car as on mine.
I'm going to get like 25 drinks at their wedding and just leave them sitting around or give them to hobos.
Just Everbombed a Guiness to make up for cutting out early last night. Also the Mars probe. Happy birthday motherfucker!
I'm going to text my booty call and tell him nevermind, that I got the job finished by myself. That will teach him to text back faster.
This lesson is brought you by a psychology class.
We were sitting outside of the building and he literally just walked up with no pants on. This is the best college ever
I finally broke my dry spell. I did it. D-do-da-Dora.
You can make out without kissing
Explanation needed
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