i threw up in over 4 different places last night. it was like a world tour
Half Baked? Au contraire, Ben and Jerry, I was fully baked when I ate that whole pint of ice cream.
She's sitting on the couch buck naked, eating a cupcake for dinner. I'm breaking new ground as a parent here.
I tried to cut him off and he said "I was the president of a fraternity for 3 years, I could outdrink God."
I know you're trying to keep the moaning to a minimum but the banging on the wall is totally giving you away
Nicole, you can't keep coming over at 3am wanting to build igloos.
I'm basically just sitting in the porta poTty finishing my bottle of champagne bc I am too lazy to carry it back to the tailgate
You tried to initiate "Occupy McDonald's" when the cashier didn't give you enough ketchup.
I mean nobody wants to admit they ate 9 cans of ravioli but i did and i am not ashamed of myself
I have effectively turned laundry day into a drinking game.
k. The important thing is we are going out. You are stones. I am mildly hallucenating.
You're the reason why I want to be a better drunk
I just spilled my beer on a five year old. She's crying but I can promise you I'm more upset.
ditto.
about cumming, not toast
Who the fuck puts glitter on their vagina? It’s all over my face and crotch.
Randomize