it's too hot outside to masturbate.
There's a girl in front of me with a see through white shirt on and her back says I suck bad dick. Fun night hun?
i say over christmas we have a beer pong competition with the cousins and see who really has the best genes in the family.
i dont understand blimps. what would happen if they collided would they just bounce off or fall to the ground.
dude how high are you right now?
do you think jeeves would know? you do it. ask jeeves.
you were drinking a pitcher of what you called "16 loko" and making everybody guess what the secret ingredient was
I've taken to hiding pictures of us around his room so that he'll forever feel guilty for dumping me on Valentine's Day... And to potentially cock block any hook ups.
we've called him dos banos ever since he threw up in 2 separate bathrooms with the same puke
I'm wearing green eyeshadow so even if I end up totally naked I still won't get pinched.
Please tell me there is not a bookmark on your browser with the title "Christmas Porn"
we got cupcakes after we fucked. gives a whole new meaning to sugar daddy
You asked to borrow my glasses for a moment. Then you whipped them at someone's head.
The morning after your company Xmas party and that moment you're eating a block of cheese in bed wearing a sequin blazer and recalling all the details of your one night stand with a coworker who happened to start that day...fuck.
Masturbating to the DNC live stream. Not my proudest moment
he was wearing a widestriped red gingham suit jacket with complete sincerity im not surprised she beat the shit out of him
Have you actually looked at the corn flakes box? I don't think the rooster has a soul.
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