three words: i give head
three words: not that well
so we started it doggy style, but since we were really drunk kinda fell to the side and turned into a 'lazy dog'... my new favorite position btw
Why is there blood and lettuce everywhere?
He came home all fucked up crying slammed his bedroom door and all we could hear for about three hours was THIS ISN'T GONA RUIN MYLIFe what happend
I told him I got this chick pregnant and he has to get a new wingman
I did, I'm just saying. Once the drinking starts my nipples are no longer my control.
Day #3 of being the only sober person at the bar. This is depression.
He told me he wanted to sober fuck the shit outa me... I took that as a compliment
Got laid last night using the intro line of "rate your hurricane evacuation plan on a scale of 1-10"
Wrapped in a blanket, just ate a whole party pizza. All my dreams are coming true and you don't even care.
i fucking swear, saying shit like "i dont get jealous" is like personally inviting your slutty friend to fuck the guy you slept with like a month ago
honestly my period and I are just as surprised to see each other every month
You're not gonna like every guy whose dick I put in my mouth
Walking into her house she felt something in her bra.... It was a used condom. Sadly enough this is not the first or last time it will happen. It's time for an intervention.
Guuuuurrrrrl! He ate the 🌮like it contained the Covid-19 vaccine!
On a scale of one to 10 how Risky is it to sleep with a married man (all morals set aside)
Randomize
