Just saw an old lady trip and stumble. Laughed. Kept Driving. I'm going to hell.
i have essays due online every friday...im just going to write 'im hungover' for every one
your idea of a balenced meal is a microwave frozen burrito, a cup of ramen noodles, and a can of budlight. honestly tell me how your resolution is to lose weight,
Just threw up in a trash can by the ATM. Then pulled out money for weed.
on a scale of 1-10how much freaking out is acceptable if you just found a (possibly used) cock ring in the head board that your parents gave you?
im using the astroglide sample u sent me as a bookmark for the book im using to write my midterm paper. i need to get laid. bad.
You're asking the wrong person. I was drunk on nyquil and jager.
Everything in my purse is 100% saturated in red wine, which made it challenging to cover up my booze breath with franzia soaked gum
It wasn't until like 4 and when we got off the phone you said god was summoning you back into the bar
Im the macgyver of cooling down beers. The toilet tank was blocked so I couldn't use it.....
I woke up to an alarm on my phone that said "Buy Plan B" and then the guy offered me a hairbrush... which seemed polite at the time
I'm putting my hangover kit in my car for the trip to work tomorrow morning. Dedication
Company sent me first class out of state, got so drunk on the plane I started handing out pillows and blankets to the people in coach
I wish I could have a tequila IV with me all the time. Intravenous tequila intoxication.
My mom just asked me about the teeth marks on my headboard..
Randomize
