Walking home still drunk in snow. Snowflakes are my only hydration..Need moreee
She literally crushed my balls between her butt cheeks. It was both the greatest and worst thing ever. Dancers are awesome.
I tried exercising today. I ended up masturbating to the Wii fit trainer.
I am going to be fat forever.
Dear me: Drinking & crying tonight, my place, 9pm sharp. Love, your life
Running errands with mom, cool. Coming to pleasures with mom for her valentines night, not ever in a million years cool.
How do I feel about a girl who has a g string tattooed on
I can smell the sangria seeping out of my pores
Now some guy that's in my phone as " Alex lip ring hot" is texting me and I don't where life is taking me
He watches the nature channel every time I am here. It's like a manipulation technique because baby zebras will get me every time.
the bright side of moving is at least my Tinder options will refresh
Sitting on the toilet ... Eatin pizza with one hand, petting my cat with the other. I love a sad drunken life
Ugh, once again I had to block the view of him peeing off the hotel bar balcony, I earned those free drinks!
I didn't know I was invited to an orgy.
I'm just glad I met someone who probably won't punch you in the face
We ended up shitfaced at the house after the Super Bowl trying to get someone from Scientology on the phone.
Randomize
