The party tonight has no theme but I decided to go as a home wrecker.
Did you dl zombie porn on my computer?
so what if he's got a new girlfriend. the guy i'm fucking has an english accent. i win.
we seriously had to hang a plastic bag on his ears so he could throw up right into it.
I woke up wearing a cow costume. I'm not even gonna try to recall what happened last night.
Monday: I just need a drink Tuesday: OMG no more this week! Wednesday: oh shit how'd I get drunk Thursday: I'm glad you've stopped the pretenses
At least you got some premium homework time. Still drinking vodka from a coffee cup?
I switched to water. When the numbers get blurry you are no longer being productive.
I remember saying your puke looked like a jellyfish and you got very offended.
This is the guy I made out with and it made me think of my dad. Let's never talk about it again.
I'm to the point where I'm fantasizing about Iron Chefs going down on me.
There's that certain point at night when you start saying things like s'mores should be used in foreign relations. I reached it.
I'm sorry for drunkenly throwing a spoon at you and then laughing at your pain.
Well I didn't get a shacker shirt but I somehow managed to come home with superman socks
Then, he ate me out while I watched Bo Burnham. Best. Night. Ever.
I mean, I'm shallow, narcissistic, and selfish, but I'm an amazing friend sometimes
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