I like bacon cheeseburgers and the pussycat dolls
Does that mean you want me to loosen up your buttons at carls jr?
I'm twenty-five. I'm too old to be watching my friend throw up in Chipolte Parking lot.
Well the bottom line is that I had to completely coat my testicles in Neosporin.
do you know your status is "goal for vegas: hook up with a girl AND a boy"?
and THATS why i'm not adding my mom on facebook
Is it because I queefed?
Woke up with the note 'going outside. Ignore bloody spoon. Be back soon' taped to my forehead. Know anything about it?
there are people swimming in the fountain next to the library... hello senior week
I mean, I'm not looking for prince charming. I'm looking for the glass slipper of dicks.
I still have a scar from the last time she gave me a handjob. There is NO WAY i'll stick my dick anywhere near her again
"willing to pay anyone fun whos willing to hang out and laugh at my jokes while my friends are MIA" is this to desperate?
I just quit my job so I could get dick this weekend. I'm pretty sure my need for dick is much more important than the customers' needs.
debating what would be more effort, turning on to my other side or trying to get myself off with my left hand. that kind of lazy day.
Right as the plane left the gate the brownies kicked in. I dont think the guy next to me appreciated my engine noises as we took off
I'm pretty sure I went in the girls bathroom and vomited everywhere then looked for a urinal for like 20 minutes
The blonde cop looked at my license and told me I better have be home when her shift ends
I hate you
Randomize
