It smells like ranch
Must be all the white people
Just drove through Taco Johns wearing a drug rug and no pants. When I rolled down my window, the girl paused for a minute before saying "um... 4.07"
No one understands that once a girl pours a handle of smirnoff all over herself, clearly she is wasted
I'm more concerned about the fact that I can't feel my gums
I just realized I'm trading you a pregnancy test for the morning after pill...
It's been a bad semester.
My Yoga instructor is playing the music from 'Requiem for a Dream' it makes me very reluctant to put my ass in the air
The next time you try to drunkenly strip me in public let's make sure it's not anywhere near the daiquiri factory or a group of police officers.
I desperately wanted to wear your shirt.
He just kept repeating "not with an octopus" over and over for hours. Soooooo Porn Dare was a succes.
8===D
That's the bat signal to come over and fuck me.
I wrapped my scarf around his head and then made him go down on me
And I also said, "probe me"
I was going to make you have an awkward boner around all your coworkers but then I fell asleep.
There is nothing wrong with watching parks and rec all day then getting blackout drunk by night
He tried to buy me a drink at dollar beer night. All 3 of his credit cards were declined, so he asked me if I could cover it. Needless to say, I'm not calling him back.
Do you ever just feel the storm building inside of you that tells you you're ready for a giant indiscriminate fuckfest?
Had to clear my browser history. I figured if she used the search bar and her name came up, it might be a little creepy.
Randomize
