We're hooking up, I have a toothbrush at her place, and yet on leaving her apartment a minute ago we said goodbye with a hi five. WTF?
You're upset about this?
Kayla got stiches in her face. Rode in an ambulance shotgun. Tried to steal a baby, thought it was mine
Headed to the bar now. If I smell faintly of latex and tuna, it's just the new scent I'm trying.
Friends help friends remove their foot from the sunroof after an epic smoke sesh.
i caught myself talking to a pigeon about my yeast infection.
He just asked me if I wanted a ride on the "bologna pony." I never wanna have sex again...
His fucking was so lame I considered painting my nails during...
That's how I like my men: traumatized and crying in a ball
Everyone was soo nice and genuine.. Then again it coulda just been the drugs.
So is it safe to say that my only objective from last night is to finish this entire jar of peanut butter?
Why is your ex naked in my apartment?
At one point she whispered in my ear "I overdrew my bank account today" but besides that it was an awesome lap dance
For a guy who came before his dick was out of his pants, he gave surprisingly good head.
You came in yelling "I'm el scorcho" and then axe can flamethrowered my dresser. Awesomeness aside, you owe me a new dresser.
Remember the random guy who licked my face when we were at the bar the other night?
Yeah. His name is Andrew. We just met
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