I hope you fall in a pool of honey in an immensely populated region of bears.
My therapist said that she thinks i may have a sex addiction. I think she may be a terrible therapist.
Want me to drive you to Dr. Drew's sex rehab?
Nah, cause then i cant masturbate to that show anymore.
there's something wrong with the internet when a search for "barney the dinosaur violence" comes up with nothing
There is nothing wrong with wanting a slide attached to your staircase
She gave him a lap dance on the glass table. You can guess how that ended
He makes this seasoned whore feel like a novice. I've met the one.
aha we'll just say that my mind was so focused on A Bugs Life that it was hard to maintain an erection
I took so my adderall all I can do is lie on my floor and stare too hard at my hedgehog. He has 42 spines in the dark spot on his shoulder btw.
I'm studying. And by studying I mean I am laying on my floor drinking boones farm alone. Last two weeks. Fuck it.
you'll probably come home to me baked as fuck and shirtless
Somehow you're a lightweight AND an alcoholic. Rare combo in one person. Well done.
He said "send me a motivational picture" so I sent one with mayo on my face that said "clearly I'm no stranger to white stuff on my face"...I'm the fuckingng worst
I've never seen anyone as high as you were.. you collapsed onto the kitchen floor hugging a tub of ice cream. You named it phil.
You cuddled up under the blanket because you said it smelled like Santa and vodka.
Who knew removing piercings would be so radical?
Randomize
