We made a percocet pizza. And then i made an unfortunate decision.
Breaking personal boundaries is my trademark
So what do you think the policy is on vomit in rental cars? do I have to clean that up or is that part of the service I'm paying for?
He looked at my vag and said "you have a nice situation down there. Good work"
Yeah I'm a responsible adult man but I legally unbind myself from anything that occurred that evening and am in no way responsible for those actions.
Does having a sippy cup full of wine, at an outlet mall, qualify you as 'having a problem'?
Ok so last thing I remember was hugging a cop while vomiting
You know I ate twenty hot dogs in an hour once.
I am honestly so surprised you are a lesbian.
There are no female cereal mascots. I just realized that in my drunken state... So sexist...
I actually had to tell him that sex doesn't replace my Tupperware. Our relationship has reached a weird level.
THE HALLOWEEN QUEST WILL BE PICS OF US IN OUR COSTUMES IN EXCHANGE FOR DICK PICS. IT HAS BEEN DECIDED.
Soooo I think my neighbor just saw me masturbating on my porch
Every time our eyes meet, I silently summon him to my vagina.
All I remember is you shouting "THIS KID IS A FREAKIN' NINJA!!" when he dive rolled over a barbed wire fence and proceeded to ask for his 18th beer.
He’s definitely circumcised. There’s not enough room in those speedos for a foreskin with that fire hose he’s packing.
Randomize