So I just walked in on one of our neighbors having sex...on our couch.
WHAT?!
He apologized for staining our couch, then asked if he could make me a drink. Pretty sure he was still inside her while we were talking.
the semester is winding down: time to procrastinate by googling cheap keg options
it was like fucking with batman, he had gadgets i never even imagined
The Ukrainian kid just told me that our econ professor wants to bone me. Please tell me that phrase means something different in Eastern Europe.
I don't know what he sees in her. All I see are horrible pancake nipples
I jerked off enough times today to safely commit to the fact that im not getting laid tonight
He poured the shots. We did them together. I cheersd him out of the shower
This from the guy I found eating salad out of a pot lid in his boxers on his porch last night.
guy in front of me at the pharmacy just asked the pharmacist for 2 Plan B's and replied with, "If your wondering, then yes I did have a threesome. It was amazing".
I don't know what possessed you to do that, but you have to give the stripper more money before you try to check her oil or they are going to throw us out every time you do that.
I believe I can fly has to be one of the most inspirational songs of our time. Seriously R. Kelly nailed it
Then he went and peed on those teenagers.
I knew it was going to be good when he took off my bra and I only realized 5 minutes later
I tired using vodka to remove my makeup
hi, I love you... and I'm sorry your floor is covered in popcorn, your cabinet is broken, all your alcohol is gone, you're 80 dollars poorer, everything in your bedside table is soaked in beer, austin slept in your bed in those disgusting underwear, I made out with your toilet seat, and for talking to your mom with a four loko in my hand
Forget about letting a 70-year-old man suck on my tits for coke... telling my new boyfriend about it was the poor life choice.
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