Think I'm gonna go cougar hunting tonight... Any advice?
condoms and good judgment
Can I buy both of those at the same store?
A guy in a big stork costume just came to our meeting to give us condoms and t-shirts telling us not to get pregnant. Only at college
I walked downstairs and there were 50 sorority girls. I wasn't expecting an audience during my walk of shame.
And you kept repeating "I didn't know know that this was a no blow job zone."
$5 off purchases of eighths or more today only. Happy tax-free weekend. -Your consumer-minded pot dealer
No no, there's drunk and then there's 'spooning with lawn gnomes' drunk.
He left an apology note saying he had to work and that there was coffee, OJ and food on the table with two Excedrin. I left his spare key with the door guard and she said "too bad I don't go for skinny white boys or I'd jump you both!" Best one night stand ever.
Could have had sex with an ex NFL kicker last night.
That would've been embarrassing.
I asked her why she named her vibrator Lorenzo and said it was the name she started screaming her first time.
Yeah, but he has adorable dimples and dimples talk me into things.
Do you think kicking my coke habit is a good personal goal to put down on the evaluation form?
I am still awake. And let me sing you the song of my people. Ahem. "I have a bottle of hydrocodone and you all can fuck off."
I thought you died. Don't forget it's burger night.
holy shit the yoga instructor bought his baby pig to class today
Give me a few. Gonna ride the rollercoaster.
Randomize
