p.s. you have a small clit
YOU ARE THE MOST AWKWARD PERSON ALIVE.
Just did a line with a monopoly bill. Tell me I'm not fancy.
Ok so the guy below me is either having sex very loudly or is very lonely
He told me all about his plan for proposing to his girlfriend as pillow talk.
She washed her feet in the sink at white castle. I want this girl in my life.
I don't talk to her anymore. I lit her birthday presents on fire. Who the fuck puts candles that close to tissue paper?
Okay. I really need to get out of this guys bed and get home. It's two in the afternoon. He's not even HERE.
I want to wear something that says I'm a lady (but I have condoms!)
I just saw a wasted dude crawl out of the road at 2 in the afternoon. Big question- still drunk from the weekend or hitting the soju already?
I just imagined you going baby-crazy and trying to shove him up into your uterus. Yes, I'm aware he's 7 years old.
When you put the phrases "just out of shower" and "did you get the picture" that close together, a picture of hamburger helper is not exactly what I expected to pop up.
There are no winners in a lube eating competition.
😂😂😂 what are we doing to these poor guys?!
Maintaining the status quo.
I'm in my math teacher's garage hiding right now because I fucked his son last night. It's fine
Neighbor just came over and asked if I had anything to clean blood out of carpet... it's definitely time to move.
Randomize
