Did we have sex last night?
I think that was the general idea until I got you undressed and you puked on me.
Idk what else to talk about besides you paying for half of my vaginaplasty.
I just keep sniffing it hoping for an explanation.
No need to call an exterminator, the ants overdosed on the leftover lines on the counter.
She drove all the way from Austin to have sex with me. I think it's a safe assumption my dick will have an easy life in college.
pretty sure that drunk girl we saw climbing the stairs is now DJing this club....
next photo in the 'cherished memories' series- Jess's bed. Note the vomit actually UNDER the pillows. shes a genius.
My car smells like beer, you're here in spirit
Classic dick move. Breaking up your buddies 3-some by coming into his room and doing the Harlem Shake.
He snapchatted me the wine on the ceiling this morning
Snaps to my Ella Fitzgerald station for such a jazzy walk of shame
Does fucking him in the back of the car with the sun roof retracted count as star gazing?
My mom said "I saw the signs you guys were high, so I made the spaghetti"....so ya, I'd say she definitely knew
That is our entire relationship. We match bowls and give each other head. What more could you possibly want?
I will bring Jesus to court if he punishes me for that
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