It's like sleeping with someone you met at a karaoke bar. It's never okay.
I woke up and there was 3 different size condom wrappers on the floor. What is this goldie locks and the 3 condoms???
The dentist just called my mother to confirm the appointment that I made on his answering machine at 4:33 am this morning..
i need to find a notary that isn't going to turn me in for blatantly lying to the us and chilean governments
That's right. If she can't abide by the rules then she gets booted. It's like survivor booty call edition
He bought me dinner. He gave me his jacket when I was cold. And then ate me out in the passenger sear of the car.
He woke me up at 5am to recite nursery rhymes to our fictitious unborn child.
Like he and the nurses kept being so persistent with it and I just wanted to run out of there in my backless gown and yell FUCK OFF BITCHES IM OUT
This morning I woke up in the entrance of a retirement home. Memory fragments from last night: making it rain with the contents of my wallet over the bridge, getting hit by a car, and a lot of running.
Am I the only one who saw the used condom in the driveway this morning
But I did discover that he's totally okay with going down on me while I eat taco bell so that's a plus, right?
The Easter sex puns were too abundant
Omg no hes gotta go down on me. Then itll be like my vagina has kissed the stanley cup.
I am not even ashamed to say it, I got laid in the stairwell of the hotel, by a 29 year old. It was awesome!
I just thought that if your brother was ever going to invite me over again, he probably shouldn't catch me fucking you in his bathroom.
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