Drinking Grey Goose on the toilet. Don't make me graduate.
They upped the price of Plan B! Rite-aid is going to be the reason I have illegitimate kids.
She was singing my heart will go on into her barf bag. celine aint got shit on her.
i don't know how the hand towel got involved, but i peed all over it
Just topless shotgunned a bud light alone. I am about to peer mentor the shit out of these freshmen.
Pretty sure I just had sex with the black kid who grew up in a car from "angels in the outfield"
How come I never meet celebrities?
She just shoved like three McNuggets in her mouth and started sobbing and I have no idea what's going on.
The fact that you think I have a life is so flattering to me.
Brb crying the tears of my youth
I just had a dream that I was fighting Donald Trump... Gotta stop watching the news before bed
You were in no condition to manage a 3-way.
Lol, maybe a little bit. I don't know. I don't keep a super keen memory log of dicks honestly.
These snow days are takeing a toll on my liver
Well Jon got a DUI sleeping in the back seat so I thought the trunk was safer. BUT WHO CARES WHY JUSE PLEASE COME LET ME OUT!
Can you dump a guy for having pierced nipples or is that shallow?
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