WHY WOULD YOU LET ME MAKE THAT MUCH NOISE DURING SEX IN RESIDENCE ?!
I tried to push your face into the pillow but then you kicked like a donkey.
I love tequila.
just found gum connecting my sunglasses to my floor board. you don't want to know where else it was.
Women are fucking wierd. I have forgotten this. Divorce papers should come with a handbook.
I will not hesitate to go down on a dick for some cream soda.
I swear to god, if you fuck the hot one you're paying me back for the shot I just bought her
I'm still drunk. I put on workout clothes this morning and just puked in my bathroom. That's the same as going to the gym, right?
I had to sit there with his three fat aunts talking about a bunch of 50 Shades knockoff books.
I felt like a taxi, but my meter was running up minutes he would be eating me out that night.
Se wrote an essay in class about proper and fashionable winter wear for dogs. Of course I regret fucking her.
He showed up at my apartment drunk with a telescope wanting me to look at the "blown up star" in -24 degree weather, claiming "it's in the name if science"
IT'S A GIANT FUCKING ROBOT, DUDE. LOGIC IS OUT OF THE QUESTION BECAUSE AWESOME.
I don't just want drugs. I deserve drugs.
It's beautiful. It's what jesusxwants. I should send you a pic of my boobs out of friendship
How'd things go with that guy last night?
He threw up in the consol in my car then started crying about his ex girlfriend.
Can you send me the picture of me licking the cows udders?
She fucked a bartender in a closed Applebee’s and has the nerve to call me easy
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