i may or may not have just grinded on your dog thinking it was my boyfriend
how the hell did we fit 12 drunk lesbians in your car?! I felt like we were playing lesbian tetris last night.
Just watched my manager erase "we've been 2 days wo an accident" and change it to "0" these ppl are too high.
Who has a video camera? i want to look back on this one day and say OH thats why i spent 2 years in jail
Its like everytime i see you, my vagina gets a heartbeat.
I managed to convince him it was his fault I cheated on him...he spent the last 40 minutes going down on me. I feel legendary.
He talked me into making a sex video, no worries though, I was wearing sunglasses.
He tried to make an olympic torch by lighting a corona box on top of a pool cleaner.
Anything you tell me within three minutes of an orgasm isn't even being recorded in my head.
When you can pee with one hand accurately while texting, you drink too much.
Why is your solution always to masturbate
Because it usually works
well theres no bloody mary mix at the campus bookstore so i dont even know what its good for
Hungover. No words. Just memes.
someone commented on last weekends photos impressed that so many homeless people wanted to take pictures with us. weird that those "homeless people" are our friends... right?
I got locked into my place today. You might be wondering if that was a typo... It's not.
Randomize
