Some broad at the bar just asked me how much money I make. I don't know whats worse, the question or the answer.
So some girl kept staring at me and giving me these weird looks. That's when I realized she could probably hear the Mulan soundtrack playing on my iPod...
i woke up this morning next to my toilet covered in an attempt to make blanket of toilet paper
she went to her friend's wedding and caught the bouquet. as the unwilling rebound, can i run away now?
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
Its not that I'm getting free haircuts... Its just that she is paying for sex with haircuts...
She made me take my shoes off outside her room but she didn't make me wear a condom. I am confused.
Had to. She was getting married in 2 days & her vag was having a close out sale. You know I love a good bargain.
There is someone hissing in the hallway. Not even a typo. Not pissing. Hissing. Like a large cat. Or a komodo dragon.
He just whispered "doors are weird" and then laughed so hard he fell down the stairs.
HOLD ONTO YOUR PANTIES AND SAY GOODBYE TO THE REMAINDER OF YOUR INTEGRITY
he's just got his life so together and it makes my pussy wet.
If I send you a picture of a dick will you give me your honest reaction?
I really prefer to do my walks of shame in the summer
I must be really high or they really did just bring me a banana split instead of a burger
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