and you tried to get a free burrito from Potbelly's
Its official. Iv'e been kicked out of a bar in every state. I would like to take my job and travel time for allowing this to happen.
what is it with giant penises always finding me
vodka bottle broke. scooping it out of the plastic tub with a shot glass into a sprite bottle using a ziplock bag as a funnel and straining the glass out with paper towels. good thursday night?
Make sure you take the apple pie out of your pocket before you pass out.
You slow clapped the stripper last night.
I knew it was time to stop when you guys were playing a drinking game called "every three steps take a drink"
Just puke n rally. People can't judge, it's syllabus week.
YOU CAN'T JUST DO COKE AND THEN CALM DOWN
There are many penises to be discovered and claimed tonight
We're like Lewis and Clark
Fell asleep on kitchen floor again, chicken nuggets everywhere.
Did you ever think you lost your bong and then you find it in the weirdest place? I mean, who leaves their bong in the shower?
Don't date the locals. They're all tainted.
I'm like a hairless cat ready to be ravished
So naked ping pong was a mistake... Looks like we were attacked by an octopus.
Randomize
