just came on the shower curtain. sorry housekeeping.
i have to start hiding my credit card when i drink i woke up this morning with 4 emails from Farmville telling me i spent over $800 on coins last night
I AM SUCH A BETTER PERSON ON DRUGS
I pretty much envision me eating a turkey leg whilst fucking you. I have priorities.
I am eating deep fried cinnamon rolls and I found a lighter in my sprinkles. I miss you.
I'm sorry. I just realized our 'big night out' ended up being you driving my high ass to get burritos and back.
I think the worst was the guy who sent me YouTube videos about how age doesn't matter, and then a link for natural breast enhancements. Kill me.
these people use weed stems as birthday cake candles. I'm never coming home
Human centipede...with the teletubbies. That's what my nightmare had in it.
I don't even want to know.
I'm suffering a hangover from deep within. I feel like the half of the parts of my body are permanently laced with alcoholic substances
When you're done railing that chick, there is still half a pizza and some ninja turtle mac and cheese down here if you want
I just remembered touching your bosses wife's fake tits last night. Thanks again for taking me to your work function.
Best case scenario you died and I melt into poo
He has the fingertips of a God
I could be writing so much lesbian porn right now but noooooo!
Randomize
