hey can you give me head? jesse told me that you're really good
who is this?
jesse's little brother
He finally told me that he's married. I guess it doesn't really matter.
I'm 99% sure that for 3 hours I thought you were British. We must smoke that again.
strike ten. I need to stop drinkng
he was so drunk I had to hold him up and he started crying when he heard an ambulance siren and said "is that for me?"
It's when I'm in my pajamas and in need of a gin delivery that I miss NYC most of all.
Taking advantage of alcohol's depressant capabilities to curtail my fever. SCIENCE!
Hopefully my orange shoes will distract people's attention from my crippling awkwardness
i told her i loved her afterwards and she said "i know," kissed me, and got up to start making breakfast.
dude, she han solo'd you. keep her.
The way I kissed her was actually pretty charming and then it devolved to car sex
If he's gonna send me dick pics; he should at least zoom in to make it look bigger.
Double dirt bag award winner tonight. He picked me up in his wife's car.
If my life today were a movie the subtitle would be: Revenge of the Beer Shits
I just realized I haven't looked at our horoscopes lately. If mine says anything about tweakers, I'm burning my phone.
Oh shit oh shit oh shit.
BURN THE PHONE.
I haven't gotten this high alone in a long time. I keep looking at the cat waiting for her to say something.
Randomize
