You're a big dope. Life is about fighting for what you want, not accepting what you hate.
Why does tequilla always make you text me?
apparently my insurance doesn't cover road head. Bummer.
It's gonna be pretty hard to find a homeless person that takes crackers as currency.
Note to self: Do not bring gift bag with cock ring inside to family Christmas. Leave to unwrap at home.
he kept saying that we were in ian's fun time place and then continued to act like a dinosaur.
I can never go back to Jacksonville. We think I may have punched a child in the face while on acid...
We should totally stay in at new years, have sex and try to time orgasm to the countdown
She said she forgot something.. and when she came out she was carrying a garden gnome, and a bottle of vodka. she was too hot to question it.
Everything was cool till you started pissing while standing at the bar
He was asleep with his head on a windowsill and you were petting his head, then you almost left the kitchen and then went back to pet him some more.
Yeah,I'm just gonna keep fucking other guys til this idiot figures out he loves me.
Don't be upset because I bitch slapped you with intelligence
So this morning when I woke up. I found my refrigerator open and no more food. It was empty, I'm home alone for the week. Where in hell did that food go?
God yes pancakes and booze sounds like the best night ever.
You fucked him, didn’t you?
He showed up at my house with tacos, rum and a negative Covid test. Of course I fucked him. I’m just a simple girl that likes tacos, not Margaret Thatcher!
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