She was so drunk that I kept trying to switch out her wine for water. Sort of like Jesus, but in reverse.
Just pulled my keys, cell-phone and a pack of cigarettes out from between my cleavage. This one guy's face was priceless.
Some creeps at the festival started talking to me, so I told them I was going change my tampon. Worked like a charm.
I just took a shower and I feel like 20 pounds of sex just came off of me.
I've decided that my night was probably over when I started eating the penne vodka with my hands.
You talked about giving to sperm banks on a first date. What did you expect?
I think my staff loses a little bit of respect for me every time you're in town. I may have to puke at work ...again.
nothing like going to the bathroom, running into the wall, thinking its a person and saying"its ok i just had the 4 beers" even the wall knew i was lying
You came over, called every girl Comrade Heather, and then declared that you were an Eagle, and we were your young.
So all in all, a good night.
Just whatever you do, don't neglect the balls.
There is no issue with you seeing me...morally or ethically. we'll update your resume anyway. I really need to have sex with you later. Really
I feel I should send an apology letter to my anesthesiologist.
Would it defeat the purpose of a run if I ran to McDonalds?
i couldn't be more explicit if i hit him upside the head with a dildo
Grandma had me open the boxes that were delivered today. She got a sex swing, I've settled on "You go girl" as my official reaction.
Randomize
