I just woke up my dad to tell him that i made out with the drummer. He wasnt as excited as I was.
She was wearing a shirt that said "Just Do Me", holding a half of a bottle of Vodka, and was screaming at her friends "PUSSY JUST SWALLOW!" before she chugged the rest of the bottle.
Dude, if you don't take her, I will.
They had to restock the bar 3 times before midnight. There is a bridesmaid dress hanging in a tree outside.
I have a very important question for you: what are some good rules to have if we want to turn the nfl draft into a drinking game?
Apparently all year they've been using me as a standard of drunkenness
This is what happens when you live with someone you met on Grindr
Fyi your toilet is not contaminated. We'd have to scissor pretty hard to pass what I got.
It started as ''I want a romantic life right now'' text. It ended with pool table sex.
Either you got hacked or we need to have a serious discussion about sending penis enlargement emails to your straight friends and why you shouldn't. It sends the wrong message.
We have bigger issues at hand... Does anybody know someone in the kalamazoo area that is missing a pair of stilts ?
I blew him while the canoe was sinking...I think of it as the better version of the titanic
I fell asleep in the bathroom during my mothers dinner party with no pants on. Her friend walked In. I was told to not come back.
I don't have any soul left to be crushed.
It's still fucked up that my mom let me think Vanilla Ice was my dad for YEARS just because she thought it was funny.
Why was I so drunk last night that I licked the bar and then the bartenders face? Why didn't you stop me? We can never go back there.
Randomize
