I have the sudden urge to buy a Snuggie and wear it to the grocery store.
At this point, I would light birthday candles in my vagina for free drinks
i luv seein jocks study. its like watching monkeys masturbate.
I really need to learn how to handle sexual advances from older women
I wish I had your problem
so i say "rick dont build that sandcastle" and he "says ok i wont" then i wake up and its sandcastle fucking city all over my apartment
Dude, I checked into a cathedral... I thought it was a joke, until I found a candle and a whole bunch of coins in my purse
No, no, we have to calibrate. What is the maximum amount of trouble we can get into without going to jail?
On one hand it was kinda weird his girlfriends stuff was at his apartment. On the other hand it was kinda nice because she had great shampoo
She just won 2 Grammys at 17 and were sitting here hotboxing our half bathroom
I like her because we want the same things out of life AND she actually wants to have sex with me.
The teenager outdrank all of us. All. Of. Us. I woke up and she was getting everyone water and fruit snacks. I give up.
I just noticed that pic of your cock has a Christmas tree in the background. It's July.
He's like a computer from 2001 in a 2014 world. It just doesn't work. Lots of glitches.
You go to class with the flu but don't go when it rains... Get your shit together
My son's girlfriend just thanked me for having good penis genes.
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