It's amazing how much jurassic park has contributed to my life recently
I didn't black out, the guy in the Men In Black costume erased my memory
woke up this morning with a fat chick but she went downstairs and made pancakes without saying a word.
Do you think the party boat will still go out if there is a hurricane?
If a young child walked up to you and grabbed your penis, you'd feel violated too.
He skyped me to learn how to roll a joint and for us to masturbate together. And you said a long distance relationship wouldn't work.
You were sitting on the filthy kitchen floor eating a packet of grated cheese, and you were crying because you couldn't find any cheese.. I'd say our party was a success.
I feel like we should at least be hungover if we're gonna be this grown up.
Well I don't think you can suck his dick while he's making pizza. I think that goes against some health codes.
didn't realize her mom was home while we were fucking, but she's oddly okay with it. she made us food afterwards. but then kept talking about having grand kids the whole time. is it time to bail?
Question: When you have the names of 4 guys tattoo'd on you, how do you make the 5th one real special?
Are you drunk texting me again or are you just being your regular stupid self?
yes
You can make out without kissing
Explanation needed
Come over I need help. I just almost died in an acid flashback while listening to do You Feel Like We Do off of the Frampton Comes Alive album.
If he’s halfway attractive, employed and cool with me having boytoys, I’ll marry him
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