We're pre-gaming then going to chuck e cheese's.
If you're joking I'm going to be sad
I'm so drunk that I ordered a root beer at the bar. Whoops?
I told her for every minute she spent down there, I would donate a dollar to the Haiti relief fund... totally worked
Just got blown on the bus in front of abot 20 ppl. Lots of high fives.
your mascara is on the toilet seat from when you fell asleep last night
I take that as "no I'm not driving you to the bar in a blizzard"
the fire alarm went off. we werent sure whether to leave or turn the music up louder
I think she faked a seizure to get out of it ...
Homeboy was juggling while taking bong rips. Of course he got laid.
Hardest I think I've ever had to work for a shack. Whatevs. Still gonna get my way though. I'll start respecting myself on Monday
You fell asleep on the toilet and he was like uh should I take her off?
There's a super pregnant woman here complaining about back pain. I better not see a live birth in the hair care aisle
I should've negotiated that before I sat on his face.
Why did I wake up next to the fire pit? And who wrapped me up like a burrito?
Jägerbombs. Thank Sara.
My theory is if i keep drinking, evolution will kick in and I will grow a bigger, faster, and more improved liver by January.
Randomize
