Think about all of the events that have led to this: me sitting in the back of my classroom drinking beer out of a taco bell cup, telling the teacher I have to leave early to go to an AA meeting.
i told him he had the best dick i've ever seen. then supposedly i kept repeating "peter piper picked the perfect penis"
I didn't notice until this morning that he had a six inch RAT TAIL...
So on facebook, the pictures from my church mission trip are right up next to the pictures of my first time on E. Sorry Jesus.
It's like a choose-your-own-adventure. But the adventure is already chosen for you. And it sucks.
Quick question... Why were there condoms frozen into ice cubes?
thank god my boss can't smell the tequila on my breathe over the phone.
I just got a booty call..Its 6 pm..a brave attempt to climb the rotation ladder..I like his ambition.
Its pretty simple actually, if she texts me either Grr or Rawr it means she is horny and wants to bone. its a perfect system
this is what happens when you pick a roommate a year in advance.. she ends up hating you for hooking up with for of her extended family members
Medically speaking as your gynecologist and your girlfriend, that is not a rash.
And we're breaking up
Are you still going to come over for your post Alcoholics Anonymous beer?
we talked about the guy being eaten by the anaconda.. Then I proceeded to blow him
i knew it was a party when i saw you sitting on the couch naked with the keg in your lap, still drinking and passing out cups
I was literally so lonely last night that I stopped watching a video on porn hub and just read the comments
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