my fingers and penis are no longer on speaking terms. My penis is too jealous of where my fingers get to go.
ejected that DVD during the department meeting.. it was our porn from last night. I have a new nick-name at work.
why do all canadians talk like horny gerbils are stuck in their throats?
I shouldn't have to thank you for taking off your captain hat off before we had sex
I have six drafts of messages to you that just say "blood" and I have no idea where they came from.
Going to.goingto.gtoing to DIE DIE DIEEEE......i feel like everyeone impotrant in my life like MLK is judging me.... saddd day
Girl on the bus just slammed her book shut, turned to me and said "I'm way to fucking high to be studying"
So somebody asked her is she's okay.She turned around,started running and screamed "Ballet is running through my veins" before doing a small pirouette.It's amazing how she managed not to fall.
I don't know when it is this year, but if I ever text you an illegible text that also happens to contain sharks, Shark Week started.
there is a hole burned clean through my text book on forestry law and I saw you walking around with a blowtorch last night. Hope you have $160 on ya...
There is what appears to be urine on the woman's bathroom sink. I just have so many questions right now.
He's hot and has an accent therefore you don't ask questions when he tells you to take your pants off.
just because you have a nice tits it doesn't make you a magic little snowflake.
There's a potato with a bite taken out of it in the kitchen
I couldn't have possibly been that bad
You had her flip the penny over to the lucky side before you picked it up and ate it...
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