Chill out big head. its weird when girls look at dudes asses
She said I could do whatever I wanted to her. I pumped for 20 seconds, apologized, rolled over and passed out. I sit directly across from her at work. Awkward?
is this the only place in the world where you can get shot on one side of town, and have to stop for cows crossing the street on the other side?
tell me how a rose bowl party involves waking up to find a raccoon in my kitchen cabinet eating my oreos the next morning?
I'm considering failing out of my last semester of college just so I can keep fucking him.
Im not spending 10 to get hit on by potential transexuals even if they are cuter than most of the girls I dated.
I've awoken at 3am again, in a night terror, just thinking about how big his dick was.
Found your pants. They were stuffed in the tank of the toilet.
Nice. Don't spend your therapist's co-pay on Jaeger bombs.
Seriously how many times do I have to sleep with him before he stops calling me dude
Your smile makes me feel like I'm frolicking through a field of gummy bears.
I just figured out the time exactly by how many shots and beers that I've had since this morning. I either have a terrible problem, or a great solution.
Tomorrow I need you to slap me in the face. I'll explain then
sober me is the one who makes bad decisions every boyfriend I've ever had I met sober
I wonder whether Megan will forgive me if i have phone sex in her attic
Randomize
