dude, you're being a jerk.
sorry, didn't mean to pull a Cheney
The girl sitting next to me in class is writing her to-do list under the title 11/31.
Welll when you have a beer at 8:30 am you've already decided whaat kind of Sunday it ism
Dude, she introduced me to her best friend form Russia and she was a 10. Her other Russian friend was even hotter. How did communism fail?
I can't tell if I'm hungover or if my cat just knocked the lamp on my face
Hey hey, in my defense we were just suppose to watch Disney movies from a blanket fort with beer and nachos. I was I suppose to know it would end in tears?
I knew it would be a shit show so I just went ahead and took plan b before I even got there. How's that for responsible?
I dont think I should be allowed to pick my own boyfriends anymore
When i'm home next we need to get baked and go to waffle house. I want to see if the waitress can still guess my intoxication level and what i'm about to order before i even make it to the table.
pretty sure tht was the guy who once went to the club dressed as waldo. he still looks weirdly fuckable.
How do we stop her downward spiral?
Wine. For us.
Just gave my thesis presentation, pretty sure I made out with the admissions woman last night.
i'm licking honey sensually off my arm while alone in my room. what has my life come to
I'm not trying to take your husband away from you, but can we have another 3way soon? I'm just desperate for good dick.
no i'm going to the dr today, he fucking banshee-shrieked in my ear as he was coming and now i can't hear out of it
Randomize
