Someone took a freaking dump on a roll of toilet paper. Next to the toilet. No shit in the toilet. Just on the roll of toilet paper.
i don't know how to normally transition into sexual activities without being drunk...
It's finally official that I am from Oklahoma. I'm currently sleeping with my ex-fling's brother.
Fuck it dude, we gotta bounce before she starts talking about her steve irwin conspiracy
Just gave some kid head in the library. Perfect way to end the semester.
He said I did a backflip off the thing on the doorframe and busted my ass. I'd give anything to remember
I just sent you a google doc listing all the reasons why I should stop hooking up with him. Feel free to add to it.
No, the weekend was great. It was the waking up in the pond in the raft without an oar that sucked. That fucking water is cold at 7am.
He said I took his samurai sword off his wall and proceeded to jump off his porch at people coming home from the bar.
No I don't want to see you. You're the reason that I'm going to need a new liver by the time I'm 30.
I saved a note for myself but all it said was "am I a slutty Holden Caulfield?"
I think my brain has decided it's boycotting life until it can do whatever it wants.
Fun fact: I came home from the riverboat without my panties. And woke up with a different pair on.
He said they were his favorite shoes.. So I threw one down the sewer. Now he'll keep searching the house for the other one. Sweet silent revenge.
mother daughter bonding time. she's helping me make jello shots.
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