Just bummed a recreational vicodin off my friend's 40 year old boyfriend & am hoovering a breakfast sammy from costco. And I don't have a boyfriend because why?
That's the secret to virgins: blizzards.
Sorry I totally forgot to text you back. When you texted me I was at work at the pharmacy and it was stupid busy. And then of course I had my 8 hour "shoot me b/c half of Loyola comes in to buy plan B" shift.
I just remembered Dan asking me all polite in the middle of sex "do you mind if I get behind you?" that was the most polite way I've been asked to do it doggy style
so her cute freckles turned out to be blackheads
Note to self: Not getting laid all weekend makes girls in mondays classes racks seem enormously bigger.
We've been fucking since Friday.... This is the most committed non-committed relationship I've ever been in
The cereal milk was almost black, the bacon was still frozen and the toast was soggy. And that was BEFORE I puked in her lap.
What I love about college? The kid tripping balls has a kayak made readily available to him on any given Wednesday, Saturday, or Sunday.
Why is there a condom in the dishwasher...
i'm sad to say... seems like women around here set up their armageddon booty calls ahead of time. wanna fill all these condoms with tequila and head downtown???
I kinda feel like I was hit by a Prius. Just glad it's not bus status.
Only three months past my 21st and I'm done. So many life lessons in so little time.
who are you talking about my vagina to?!
I need water and some morals
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