new low, i just stole money from my 5 year old sister to buy condoms
I'm surrounded by dudes and fupa's! No hot chicks...wtf!?
Medical industry, most hot chicks dont want to deal with blood + shit
last night some bitch put bruce along with his entire fishbowl in her purse and tried to leave. how drunk do you have to be to steal someone's pet??
I think vodka calistinics prior to and during beer olympics was a bad idea
YOU CAN RENT MIDGETS ON CRAIGS LIST
I told you not to ruin your birthday surprise!
Because its an amazing idea and you're the only one I can think of that will allow a pirate threesome
Are you being sarcastic? I can't tell this time because you're in the hospital.
I'm in class. I'm not opening a page with the words "death erection" in the link. There's people behind me lol.
The background of my phone is you taped to the wall wearing a cowboy hat
I dove into a random van at the bar as the door was closing and ended up at some house with people I've never met in my life dancing in a basement
I'm on my fifth cocktail in twenty minutes. I don't think I will end this on two legs.
My liver was like a college freshman on spring break. It would've danced topless on tables if it could have.
He just sent me the contact information about getting the Zebra for graduation...
Well, my mom found the ball gag and whip. Looks like I'm never going home again.
just found out that my aunt grows weed. today is a good day to be me.
Randomize
