like i told you yesterday: virgins, blood, my name. do it.
God. I'm so broke I don't even have a dollar to snort my adderall through.
the russians are downstairs with the vodka loudly proclaiming happy birthday america. i don't care if it's the fourth, i care that it's 9 am and they woke me up.
My dad just questioned my drinking habits... Clearly he doesn't know what kind of college education he's paying for
she left out the fact that she had a kid until she told me not to suck on her tits too hard or milk would come out.
I've been thinking about it and if we ever have a threesome it'll start off with us clothed solely in our matching fur vests
guy just got out of the car at the drive in and told his girlfriend "fuck you and your taco" and walked off
So I managed to get the bitch who has been copying off me all semester in History to copy the names of Pokemon towns off my test.
Random memory from the wedding, the bartender showed us how to open the windows and piss out of them.
It summer and it's getting a lot harder to hide sex bruises from my parents.
First world problems?
Found a girl that was gonna make out with 25 people for her 25th birthday. I was like #12. Made top half!
Everyone was hooking up and I was just by myself rolling around in the grass at one point ... Which I am allergic to.
Just had the "whores are people too" talk with Mom. Bright side it's Christmas, and I may have been drunk, I don't think she caught on.
Got baptized for New Years. In champagne and cheap vodka.
Sometimes being bisexual is a curse. Turns out I banged both of her older twin brothers last summer.
Randomize
