There I was staring at a teeny weeny black one and a huge white one. It was like an episode of Myth Busters
I just need to actually convince myself that drunkenly having sex won't help me forget the last time I drunkenly had sex, it only makes the situation worse.
i'm only riding in the trunk because they put the case of beer back here..
Just found a bottle of tequila in the washer.
You were fucked up like a footballbat trying to eat gum off your shoe. And that wasn't even the nights lowest point.
His cuteness will no longer contol my vagina
Things bear mace does not do: repel bears. Things bear mace does do: piss off bears, give bystanders asthma attacks. Lesson learned
It's gonna be one of those someone is getting divorced parties
Pretty sure my parents just hear me get off from the living room but I feel like they should be proud that I did it without a man honestly.
Walking into my bedroom & smelling stale sex & disappointment isn't how I envisioned being 39, in case you were wondering.
What is the acceptable way to offer a trade of sex for a few hours of body heat?
Guess who's now on the no-fly list? If you guessed me, you'd be right.
I assure you, it was not a Porn Hub Bee Movie parody.
Broken heels while double fisting margaritas, picking up shirtless, bloody men and escorting them out of harms way, the meltdown when I realized I can go without a bra bc my boobs shrunk, the morning vodka red bull you were forced to drink? Which one roped you in?
It’s so white trash that I almost have to have it.
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