Ikea night.
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Insert tab A into swedish slot B
Just pulled over to throw up in a day care parking lot while the kids were outside playing. The adults were mortified.
also I just used a straw to drink the juice out of a tomato b/c I forgot how to bite.
Most sexually ambiguous night of my life. Kept switching from the NBA finals to the Tonys.
New development. Drinking at work is so easy and awesome I might have to do it everyday.
He's blaming gravity for his problems right now, so put that in perspective
i draw the line when you ask for directions at a place you're already at.
He's used the term "balls deep" 3 times in the first hour. Thanks a lot, Plenty of Fish.
He walked into the bar right as I was licking the shotglass clean. We made eye contact for way too long..
You'd think the dry cleaners next door would be less judgmental for as much business as my theme parties bring them.
I don't think a gay three way is the best way to confirm your sexuality.
Sorry I punched you in the throat. You got in my way. You understand.
YOURE ABOUT TO SEE SO MUCH UNCIRCUMCISED DICK
I dont remember you getting a condom thrown at you. I think I had a concusion
"Fwd: Nice to meet you last night thanks for the tit flash" no recollec. i am officially banned from wearing tube tops to the bar.
Randomize
