Thanks for last night it was amazing as always
What are you talking about
You've got to be kidding me
Over it. He probably jacked off to bible verses last night. I don't want that
After a valiant attempt at golf, I think it's time for Tiger to go back to doing what he does best- having sex w/ blond, white women.
Dude, you face planted, there was no "bar fight".
Are we doing anything tonight after class for Valentine's Day or just being lazy and having sex?
If you expect me to say anything other than 'lazy and sex' you're crazzzzy!
I have been referring to it as "thanks for getting out of me day" all week. Do you think they will still take me to brunch tomorrow?
I'll be there in spirit. Right there in your vagina.
Can you explain to me why there are fake boobs glued on my chest?
I have to drop off my inflatable penis costume at the bar for my bartender. Do you think you could meet me there at like 630?
Dude! We had to write our address on your arm in permanent marker so you wouldn't get lost. You just showed the cabbie your arm and he drove you! Nice guy.
We should probably feel disgusted that we took turns eating and drunkenly passing around a burrito the size of a small dog but i’m ok with it.
I smoked my last bong as the sun rose. It was magical.
So we hooked up and then instead of texting me, he endorsed me on LinkedIn for Microsoft Word a few days later
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score onr for mom.
You do realize it’s only a matter of time before I have a bad day and come home with an alpaca?
Randomize