apparently my drunken alterego is a lazyeyed bisexual.
i'm touring the leper colony via mapquest street view so we dont have to go there
it's like everything I expected to see tonight all put together in one at once
that is the greatest description ever
nothing i could have done in life could have prepared me for walking in on her SHITTING on my rug.
Needless to say there is no second date for this girl.
yet...
is wine microwaveable?
Hey I have to teach you how to run in heels before vegas
We should probably just have a threeway and get everyone on the same page.
You act like I'm the first person to try and hook up with a blind chick.
There needs to be waaaay more alcohol in my apartment if I am going to survive being unemployed
I just got a lap dance from a kid in the coconut bra... So not drunk enough for this.
My grandpa is driving me to get condoms and wine. This is adulthood.
She invited us over for cocaine and donuts
We have moved from phase 1: honeymoon, to phase 2: trapped in relationship until the cold embrace of death
I'm not in it for just the sex. If I wanted mediocre dick once a week I would have stayed with one of my exes.
Some girls mom just approved of me banging her on Fb.... For the whole world to see.. I'm officially a god.
Randomize
