being a part time student has turned me into a full time alcoholic.
Just found out my mom's voicemail password is 6969..
No, but I woke up here and my pockets are full of raisins. Like 6 different pockets.
My fingers feel amazing. Their going like 100 MPH!!
HOLY SHIT. SHIT THAT IS HOLY. HOLY OF THE SHIT.
I'm starting to second guess shaving my vagina over the kitchen sink. The lighting is so much better though.
I've made a list of places I want to have sex this summer. #1: Reptile House at the zoo.
...if you're living vicariously thought me, that was a great blow job you just gave in the B&N parking lot.
Jail is not for me. They portion control your meals and I don't really like that.
Even worse we were making a sex tape so our reaction to the condom breaking was recorded.
There is naked swordfighting and something green and alcoholic going on in the basement. COME. OVER. NOW.
Update: That guy is no longer in the restroom, so he's probably not dead.
I threw up in my room. And I cleaned it up with a spatula.
New low: eating a buttered roll while taking a shit.
This is why we're soulmates.
I hate csi yet I find myself watching a full marathon. I am also eating hotdog buns stuffed with barbecue chips and they are quite tasty
My vibrator turned on under my pillow when I was taking a nap this morning... I nearly shit my pants.
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