o shit let me call u back theres a hamburger in my pocket
Using pot as a way to stop crying probably isn't a good sign huh?
Meh, some people pop Prozac, you smoke weed. Po-tay-to. po-tah-to
I wish I could tell you that the worst thing that happened last night was how he got thrown out of a stripclub for vomitting on the girl giving him a private lapdance. I wish I could tell you that and not be lying.
ASIANS HAVE SEX TOO!! I just watched it happen in the library.
Almost just got kicked out of a bar because the locals spilled beer everywhere when we taught them to shotgun.
Whoever decided it was a good idea to sell 40's at a bar with life-sized jenga deserves a nobel prize.
Tell me about it. Running across highways take alot outta ya. When he found out, he was all "concerned" about it.
I don't think I'm allowed to have Burger King. What if i just chew for taste and not actually consume. Like a wine connoisseur for fast food
If anyone remembers any details of tonight please address concerns to my lawyer. This is a mass text.
Your the only person to come back from spring break with a non std related infection
Honestly, this is a first for me. I've always prided myself on my ability to pretend to get along with others.
I'm like 'WOMAN, YOU'RE 62, RESHEATH THOSE COUGAR CLAWS.'
A girl just invited me over for a blowjob and beer. Is this a trap?
We could have mediocre awkward sex or mediocre stunted/awkward/uncomfortable banter. The possilities are relatively finite
Good news my life of crime finally paid off
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