Just got booted from water taxi for showing my balls to a security guard.
MTV running anti-sexting commercials is a slap in the face to everything our generation has accomplished.
everybody makes mistakes
i didn't know they allowed you to text in ambulances
If you're trying to subtly tell me that I look like Connie Chung, just stop it. I already know.
She said we could only have sex if she got to keep her fake moustache on during
He made me cum 4 times, we high fived afterwards and then I proceeded to tell him about this guy I'm dating whilst I made him a bacon sandwich. I think we've finally mastered being friends with benefits.
Tiny.
I mean tony. It's like autocorrect knows he wasn't well endowed.
I feel as if we moved beyond the hook up stage when she blew me as I drunkenly finished my chicken nuggets.
Just consider it? What else do you have going on today that could be as awesome as a day full of lord of the rings and sex?
He walked straight into the wall, said "excuse me ma'am" and continued back to his dorm room.
So I woke up alone in the hotel room clutching a bible to my chest. Explain, please.
No way in hell. Unless I was drunk Tindering again....my swiping finger gets drunk too I guess
I'm pretty sure that my eyebrow is going to be swollen from a sex injury tomorrow and possibly a black eye. If it forms that way it wiil be the second time. Different eyeball. Different decade.
Did you know that chef boy-ar-dee was a real person? I watched a show about him. the history of the ravioli is more scandalous than you would think.
Yah. I'm gonna lay you down and feed you grapes, except I'm gonna replace grapes for my balls
Randomize
