so the chest pain/shortness of breath/overdose guy we just took to tm hospital is now running down market street from the police in a gown holding his iv.
Ask Niel how long his lasts if he plays with it a lot.
he says 15-20 minutes depending on the porn.
no his phone, idiot.
everyone made a circle around them and startd chanting fight fight. they wernt fighting, they were dry humping
my mom just informed me that im way nicer when im high and offered to supply my weed until our house guests leave.
does that include her cleaning your bowl?
You'd be surprised at how many crooked penises are out there
You can't break up with me and ask me for a handjob on the same day. At least not in that order.
Turns out puking in your mask makes it even harder to see out of the mask..
if things do not go as planned you should see me walking down I81 blindfolded and pantless
She said she wants to move in with me. Time to black out and act as if we never had this conversation.
How are you a firefighter? People actually trust you with their lives??
took over 12 bombs tonight and we still aren't hooking up. Wait how am I functioning
I just hope the day something happens to me my phone just dies, like literally died and will never turn on ever again. I feel like God owes me that much.
Have you ever got so drunk that you tasted the future?
Idk. The bad part of me thinks it's a good idea. The bad part is also the stupid part.
You spent an hour sitting naked in your neighbor's Jeep Wrangler yelling in a terrible British accent about how you were "on a safari". Then you passed out on your lawn.
Do you realize our room single-handedly hooked up with most of that wedding party last night?
Randomize
