Drank beer out of a hotwheels bucket all night
he was so nervous about his first time.. it was like michael j. fox trying to put on a condom...
Yeah, it was all fun and games until I realized that it wasn't my tent, and I had no idea who those people were
Been at work for four hours and just discovered the chairs in my office double as a napping surface. Most productive thing I've done all day
i found two dead squirrels on my front step this morning.. do you think they have something to do with my missing phone?
12 trash cans filled with water. Beer cans floating in each, 12 ft apart. Dodgeball. Ultimate beer pong.
Rules. We have to wear superhero outfits
Walking down the street at 11 pm dressed in bubble wrap. Why is the bar so fucking far away??
You were talking about masturbating on the phone then said you had to go because golden girls was on then you called me back saying you seen that episode already.
you said candy land and then passed out.
ps. we found your stash in the candyland game. Thanks.
Worst decision of artistic career thus far: bringing a banana to eat on male model day.
At the ER, will you come pick me up... Had an allergic reaction, wanted to see if I could eat a peanut without dying... Do you how bad this is evolutionary, I would have died back in the days of survival of the fitest by now
I'VE LOST MY DIGNITY, MY PRIDE, AND EVEN MY BOOTY CALL. HAPPY THANKSGIVING.
A guy who takes a plate of chicken tenders away from us is not to be trusted or slept with
We've been taking shots, cranking Marilyn Manson, and eating your bacon. Your kid is probably ruined.
I wanna print it out and hang it on the fridge like parents do with good report cards.
oh the joys of a picture of a negative pregnancy test
Randomize
