I love being friends with rich people. I get laid by association.
Had a 3 sum last night, and today food just taste better and the air seems so much fresher!
Somebody spraypainted a transformers head on a transformer box..my life is complete
He offered but I said no. I didn't think it'd be cool to accept cupcakes in the mens room of a gentlemans club.
She fell asleep on the sidewalk and people starting using her as a hurdle
I went out in a blaze of glory. I failed the field sobriety test by saying ABCD FUCK YOU.
i was staring at her drunk thinking "shes at least a four"
Not sure if it is a new high or new low, but i left a basket on the porch of the sorority I woke up at. It had a description of the Minnie Mouse I woke up next to, and Plan B.
Yeah dude. Pulled out the couch and a bird flew at me. Please tell me who put a bird in my house.
They switched jackets and you didn't notice. You made out with both of them and had no idea
I would recommend NOT getting ass enhancement shots.
What if he stabs me in the back, mid-orgasm, as I sit on his face? It'd be a miraculous way to go but that's not the point
I'm literally 40 minutes from where I was supposed to stay. I woke up in a parking lot.
Have you ever eaten pizza and gotten your dick sucked at the same time? Because I have pizza.
My boss is paying me to come clean his house in a maid outfit and told me not to tell anyone....this is shady as fuck but I need the money
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