I hope my future cuntsucker is that tight
you started whispering 'the itsy bitsy spider' while you were putting your hands up my shorts.
alright she left, finally time to fart up the room
Don't pass out before midnight like you did last year. See how much your year sucked
just heard a tri-delta girl talking about her drunken escapades last weekend...it's like the exact plotline to a hardcore porno.
He offered me a 30 pack if I don't bring her to the party. Am I a bad friend If I take his offer?
im gonna make a bucket list just so i can cross off "underwater blowjob"
just found glitter in my belly button...seriously when will this nightmare end
Hey had an urgent voicemail from the Illinois national guard....have you been using my identity for your blackout weekend?
Yes and yes
I dunno what the deal was, but you spent about an hour trying to put your phone charger in the outlet and you were yelling "one plug to rule them all"
ok, i suppose pissing your pants could be considered a wardrobe malfunction.
You really need to not quote Anchorman while I'm giving you a serious blowjob.
I just borrowed porn from my middle aged mother. This is what desperate looks like.
I wish the guy in the stall next to me would stop moaning while taking a dump.
I wish you'd stop texting me from the toilet.
The blonde cop looked at my license and told me I better have be home when her shift ends
I hate you
Randomize
