True or false: I did not bring home a 28 year old last night.
True? Did she teach you things?
She taught me the meaning of awkward goodbyes at 530 am.
I really think my ability to vom without making noise mmight be my most useful talent
It was like my butthole was peeing. Felt comforting yet not fulfilling.
I literally need to be slapped with another cock just to notice it.
this isnt the first time ive seen her dressed as abe lincoln
Stop making excuses. You can be here in 5 and cumming in 10
This is going to be the summer remembered forever as the giant 3 month long mushroom trip.
You kept trying to throw the grocery cart off the balcony.
All I've eaten today is cookie dough, pecan pie and three shots of jack. Finals week here I come.
Donating $10 to Sandy victims for every hurricane I drink tomorrow. Buying me alcohol just became a good cause.
I'm gonna call it the Reunion Tour. Hooked up with two different ex girlfriends in one day...
I don't want anything calamari shaped after last night. But I appreciate the Cheerios offer.
I swear she is the Mary Poppins of drugs
Haha I had a heart to heart with a stripper so I would say it was a success?
All I could think about was how many vaginas had been on the toliet that I was pukin in
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