i just peed in a port a potty and wiped with my credit card statement. fuck yeah!
i think the date started going downhill when i mentioned how many therapists i have
He tried to make eye contact, he should know by now that freaks me out
He said hes taking shrooms and watching jurassic park so we're making a t-rex costume
we need ur ladder
I would totes be making out with random people in the name of america if I was at the white house right now
I HAVE stop dating guys for their prescriptions, you have no idea how awkward family dinner was. Thank god for his xanax.
You should know that Team Beyonce's Vagina dominated in pong last night
come help me. im curled up in the fetal position on the upper floor of the lib. please bring more caffeine or alcohol
its ok. its hell week the lib is a no judgment zone right now
i got her number while she was sitting next to her boyfriend. her actual number. i might be a superhero
Some guy just showed up at my door to return my bikini top. EXPLAIN NOW
If I showed up at your door with pizza and a bottle of tequila wearing nothing but chaps and a fireman helmet, would you send me away?
The only thing I know is that these arent my shoes and Aaron is missing and he has my house keys.
Well I had to use a seat cushion at Soul Cycle today so, yeah, I'd say the sex was good
I just got woken up by that guy wearing a Krispy Kreme hat giving out donuts
Im glad your laughing because im currently convincing my penis you didnt mean it and its all gunna be ok.
Randomize
