My cousins just decided to make a catapult to spread my Grandpa's cremated remains. I love my family.
Is it socially acceptable to order two burrito bowls?
anything's socially acceptable if you do it with enough confidence
This went bad. Everyone is crying, i dont know why and I am really uncomfortable.
Straight up if I get stuck with her I'm going to drink myself into a prison cell.
No one ever gets any after sleeping with her. She is like the broken mirror of hookups, enjoy 7 years of blue ball. Don't say I didn't warn you
Please tell me there is not a bookmark on your browser with the title "Christmas Porn"
Well my summer started by me waking up in a tube on the side of the pond this morning with 2 of my friends. So that's good..
I'm drunk, I'm covered in pizza, and I'm watching Jurassic Park. I feel like you'll get this. xx
Of course it may just be the context. A dish of dog food would look lovely next to your breasts.
This dude has batman tighty whities on over his cargo pants and he has the nerve to yell "fuck you bitch" up at my window.
do you remember yelling out "insecurity makes my pussy dry!" unnecessarily loud at the bar?
Have you ever eaten pizza and gotten your dick sucked at the same time? Because I have pizza.
Just heard a 15 minute program on the radio about how cases of gonorrhea in the throat and rectum are skyrocketing in the US. Almost crashed laughing so hard.
Sorry, who is this??
You don’t need a wing man if you have a solid hook up on the pumpkin pie
Any chance he has an open marriage? That penis shouldn’t be wasted on one woman. It should be shared with all womankind, or at least me. I’m too good at sex to be deprived a penis that large
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