heey were did you guys go? last time i remember seeing you i was throwing up in the fountain
I need to stop making out with boys in plain view of half my class.
He looked like Harry Potter. I had to do it.
i went through the entire semester and only just now realized there's a girl in my history class that i've hooked up with.
It just hit me that I woke up to you in a bear suit. Explain.
you were stumbling around in your attic looking for all your swim team medals because you wanted to "feel like a champion."
Things got outta hand once she told me to water-board her with Patron.
she just blew up the empty bag of wine and used it as a floatation device.
She stopped mid hookup to ask me if we'd be done before Taco Bell closed.
i know you're at the dentist, but this dick pic was too phenominal to wait and i deserve immediate tit compensation
Hold on... Are we having an intellectual conversation about porn?
Yup
I love us.
If you fall asleep, my vagina and I will never forgive you.
Are cops allowed to hit on you if they're in uniform?! Serious question.
Must be why he thought choking was foreplay. Like WTF? No.
Pretty penis doesn't make up for awkward eye contact.
hurry up. it's a friday night and i'm drinking in my office by myself. wearing a stewie griffin costume. the cleaning lady is judging me.
Randomize
