The money shot is kinda like the "The End" part of a children's book isn't it?
found a strand of your hair in my car. it's 1 ft 7 inches long
wtf you measured my hair?
News update: stealing a playground is harder than it looks.
how are you not completely traumatized after 8 years of friendship with me?
So I'm looking through your google history on your laptop and you have 'is ketchup even remotely nutritious' and 'alcohol with fewest calories but highest alcohol'. What new fad diet are you on because I feel like we could do this together.
Nothing like a 3am firealarm to kick a booty call out...
He is the one I "technically" lost my virginity to.
I feel like you never had a virginity..
Went to anytime fitness at 3:34 am drunk after the the bar and getting whataburger. Lifted weights with my cheeseburger between my knees. That's called DEDICATION.
It's just weird. It's like Big Bird dating Meg Griffin.
He wouldn't let me ride him with a Ninja Turtles hat on...
Apparently I'm ahead in the foot race to his dick because I'm not insane. If I'd have known that's all it took, I'd have worn sweat pants more often.
Just remember: We don't tell our English professor about our fetishes unless she specifically asks about them.
The impromptu 'dance party' was just three white dudes flailing arrhythmically in the kitchen in absolute silence. Stone cold sober.
You would critique a dick pic. Damn art people.
using my tits for other peoples nudes hit me up business in the making
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