It is virtually impossible to listen to single ladies and perform any seated task.
She wanted to watch a Baby Einstein DVD while we fucked. I'm pretty open minded but that felt a little creepy.
we talked about european history as he fucked me from behind in the shower... i think it was a success
Just grabbed my laptop and a beer to take a shit. Mom gave me a look of disgust. I miss college.
He asked if I wanted to leave my bra on while we were doing it from behind bc he read somewhere that all that pounding can be painful for big breasts. THAT thoughtful.
I really need to get laid. I'm telling at least 10 girls that I love them tonight.
Odds are at least 1 out of those 10 girls will be as crazy as you and will be into it.
Wish i knew who the f is sending me pics of asian newborns.
Did you leave your blow razor here? I need it for crafts.
i'd say i'm about at weeping-uncontrollably-in-a-puddle-of-my-own-tears-and-urine level
Then mom squeezed my boob and said, "Dad would go nuts if I had these..."
And I just realized we will be at a strip club when the end of the world is supposed to happen. This is destiny
YOU LEFT MY FUCKING BRA OUTSIDE OF YOUR HOUSE AND NEVER TEXTED ME.
I just realized I'm having shark week, during shark week.
Banged a girl last night wearing nothing but my Team USA Olympic jersey. I think it's safe to say that nut was for America.
Our entire day shift is on either molly or acid. I'm about to take two hits of the latter.
Randomize
