Despite what happened tonight, Im still expecting Jesus birthday sex
I'd be surprised if he had a problem with boundaries after helicoptering his penis in front of you
Some guy just stopped me in the bar and asked if I had a shot named after me at another bar called God damn my VaJana hurts? He already knew my name was Jana so I couldn't deny it!
Jim came in did 3 body shots of her she said "I like your tongue" and they left. I swear to god its deja vu he's done it before
ttyl tear gas
Not sure. No solid plans. Just tanning nude.
I'm just walking around Lowe's groping the carpets....
I'm currently being signed up to be painted nude for a college art class. ah yes best high decision ever
Do you have paint?
Paint? I wish
OMG WHAT ARE YOU DOING
You just gave me the title for the series of our lives. Haha. Chapter 12: the cocaine on the back of the hairbrush
You continued to run around saying "free the nipple" while "taste testing" every liquor on the premises.
She was way too drunk so I dropped her off at her house and smoked a huge blunt with her mom.
I'm pretty sure the guy who was grinding on me while I was trying to get a drink at he bar was one of my tinder matches
I just drunk texted the Italian guy and now I’m flooded with Shane. Uh, shame, not Shane. He sounds nice, though.
Me: I shouldn't go to the airport bar it's too expensive and I don't need it. Dark me: SHOTS AT 7 AM
Randomize
