Its a sad when the highlight of your day is flicking a booger and actually getting it to stick to your computer monitor.
he has 3 profile pictures up and all of them are him riding jet skis
do you know how scary it is to wake up in a CATSCAN machine after a night of drinking?
Had sex to a Lionel Richie song. I have a feeling I was conceived to it. Finally reached full circle.
not only did i soak my thesis by spilling celebratory shots on it, but i also stained it with lipstick making it obvious i tried to drink the vodka off it......dgaf, worth it.
Should I be curious about Jeffrey randomly sending me a picture of him holding a crab, or just move on with my life?
This is like the time you took a picture of your knees and told him it was your tits, isn't it?
Found her with a stray dog now called champagne, crying about how she feels a mom now. Had to take her home. The dog too.
I love it. Like, more than my penis at the moment.
Happy cinco de mayo!! Puke filled sombrero in the lawn needs to be picked up and whos never punched my fence boards in half needs to replace those by the way the owner of those panties (see attached photo) anytime you wanna cum over;-) hiii!
He awkwardly handed me plan b on Pickens Street... it was like a sketchy drug deal.
i had an epiphany while laying on the driveway for 5 hours yesterday.
i realized i waste a lot of time
HE LITERALLY JUST PEED IN MY ROOM IDK WHAT TO DO HELP
She's in labor and I'm doing shots. Whose the real winner here?
What's the plan?
Not sure. I think I'll take a dump on his windshield.
Randomize
