There is now a Twilight themed dildo. What do YOU want for christmas??
mom just texted me "hawaii ambien". those are like the two things she talks about to keep me interested in spending time with her.
i jus dunped the rest of my drink down the sink and tool my bra off. pretty sure this is the best decision for everybody.
There was a guy running for some position in our government named "young boozer" hell yes I voted for him
I've got to stop making out with the guys and sharing drinks with you. I'm the reason we all get sick at the same time. Sorry.
Thanks for pulling me out of the bed by my feet atleast one of us was sober enough to know I had work at 5 am.
There is a good chance that the other night after a wedding reception i was at that i mailed you a drink coaster.
Dear slutty diary: I lied about feeling guilty of being a homewrecker in order to have more sex. it worked.
I just did a line of coke with an Olympic bronze medallist. I guess we know why he only got bronze.
Looking through last night's sexting, realized one is a haiku..
Would you consider masturbating to Hocus Pocus an adulthood high or low?
I pretty much just wake up, masturbate at least twice, and go to the beach. #Unemployed. I do look for jobs in between all that tho.
Dude, I need a fuckin wingman and this could finally make us eskimo brothers, how can you pass that up?
And by "sexually intimate," you mean fuck buddies?
After he came, he took a two minute power nap and then fucked me for another 45 minutes. He is a machine!
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