the reason why you were crawling on your hands and knees from room to room last night was because you thought the ceiling fans were chasing you...
that makes sense.
aparently i pased my english final. I don't even remember taking it.
if im not pregnant im gonna be so pissed for spending the money from my weed fund on the test
wow, a mother in the making
i googled waterboarding like you asked. as long as you do it outside. we have carpet. but i wont be a part of it.
she was trying to use her iTranslate app while we were having sex.
Bake him heart shaped cookies?!? Send him a picture of your tits like an ADULT!
im dying and naked and this is what youre living with next year.
I think I'm just going to go like every guy on tinder who has a jetski. I'm doing this for us, Summer is coming.
Giant stained glass jesus is judging my black pleather pants
next time you go get food at three am and leave a rando here can you warn me??? Also i tazed him. but it was just my little one so i think he'll be fine. bring me some fries.
I told him I was studying his body for art, so now I have to actually do a drawing of him to not look like a creep and so we can hook up again.
It was all going good until I realized she was wearing underwear with a butt flap. Mission aborted.
You threw a beachball full of vodka at me and yelled I CHOOSE YOU then ran
Pretty sure he was in my class in like 2nd grade
I like how you know everyone I've ever fellated.
At least I’m an “essential employee” and can still bang my boss. \n\nFingers crossed my husband doesn’t ask why I’m essential, the orgasms are too good to give up during this pandemic
Randomize
