I just walked by a homeless man reading the money section of USA Today...
9 beers later and she still looks like Gary Busey.
Why do I always have sex on the first date when I know it demotes me to booty call girl?
Their bromance is so intense that they don't even eye-fuck when they see each other....they eye-make-love.
I came out of bedroom with my jeans on backwards, zipped AND buttoned. I have inconceivable talents whilst intoxicated.
If your pregnant with his baby maybe we can start getting weed for free.
He soundtracked our prebreakup sex, our breakup, and out postbreakup sex. At least he's dedicated.
The nurse gave me a funny look when I said I thought I have an std in my throat. Bet she only does it missionary too
I'm confused are we getting high or did someone actually die?
Gees I domt know what your deal was. You kept looking at Nick and shaking your head frantically and doing a weird motion with your hands
Tgat was the small dick alert
They sleep with other people as long as there is no oral. Logic and reason were thrown out the window a long time ago with them.
The holidays are too long. I always run out of adderall before I run out of family. you got any left?
Like you can't just be like oh bb and THEN SEND ME A FUCKING PICTURE OF MY 8TH GRADE FAT SELF IN A TACO COSTUME
He has a bear rug in his room. I'm going to ask if we can have sex on it. Wilderness sex.
It is NEVER not funny to me when I am sitting at a table and I've touched the dicks of every single person I'm sitting with.
Randomize
