Sorry, I have to go home and feed my nepotisms
Sorry, I can't talk, there's a herd of nepotisms headed my way
btw.sex in the wood isnt as romantic as it seems.heels kept sinking in the dirt and pine needles were sticking to the fishnets
i wish i had your life
Today I learned you can't titshake with a corset on.
Also, I threw up on the playground again. I've honestly had more fun there this past summer than I did in my entire childhood.
You crossed every boundary on the boundary spectrum last night. You're like the illegal immigrant of drunk actions. No more holiday drinking for you.
So what do normal people wear to parties? Normal meaning not you.
You wear an inflatable farm animal to TWO THEMED PARTIES and I never get to hear the end of it...
Confirm that you received these messages so that I know you feel the agony of my vagina. There is such a thing as "too many penises".
Your resume just got faxed, I also modified it a bit and sent it to strip clubs...expect weird phone calls...
pssssst. you dropped everyone else off and forgot about me. im in the backseat of your car still. can you please come back outside and either let me out or take me home?
He woke up & asked where his pants were then asked where he was then asked who I was. Been married 20 yrs. He was drunkest ever.
Would it be sad if I made a blanket fort to get drunk in till the power came back?
How I know we're old. Don knows the owner. The owner said 'How about some shots?' We said no thanks. He looked puzzled and came back later and said 'You know it's on the house?' We said 'Yeah, no thanks.'
SOME DUDE PUT OUT FOR A MCCHICKEN AND YET YOU STILL WON'T FUCK ME
He sent me a picture of his cock that seemed to indicate that we were still on good terms.
EMERGENCY SUBJECT CHANGE. SHE DOESN'T KNOW.
Randomize
