I just ate a cockroach and I want to be a fire truck.
Her parents hate her and she's on like major lockdown. All her friends are in jail and she has massive pit stains. Dude... It doesn't get much worse than that.
Y'know, without the cops, it would've just been us daydrinking,
she said, "is it ok if I touch it?" that's when I knew I was in trouble... I knew she was a virgin but seriously..
I've already come up with two plans that will probably end with me getting kicked out of here. You guys should come faster.
and the award for most disgusting thing ever done on my couch now officially goes to you! Congratulations, you won the couch...I can't even look at it anymore.
bitch got booty called while we were making out. and then she actually left.
I'm not an expert but calling her the "hot lesbian" isn't going to coerce her into a 3some with you
He tied my whole arm, in its cast, to the headboard first. He mumbled something about safe, sane, and consensual?
When you get a chance, you should call Nick. He REEAAAALLLLLY wants to hear you make chewbacca noises.
We got buck wild in our animal onesies last night. You kept ripping off your tail in angry rages.
Let's run into the wild and just eat berries and have sex all the time.
Last night's dream consisted of you, me, a sauce pan full of cocaine and light sabers. I almost cried when I woke up.
Hot date tonight for the first time in months and I just cut my dick shaving. PRAY FOR ME.
I'm not talking about Donald Trump in the midst of sending you nudes
Randomize
