just broke no shave november. hello backed up drain december.
We learned about herpes today in bio. I might as well have given the lecture
Was just shown the photos from a professional photoshoot my aunt had for their dog...not drunk enough for this...
I'm gonna laugh so hard when we're both married with families
That statement alone makes me laugh so hard.
Why is the garage door in the middle of the street?
I smell like I just crawled out of a bottle of champagne and landed on the floor of taco bueno.
No but the chipped one is crooked now. Clearly I didn't use my hands to break my fall. I used my face
We're 17 hours into a 3 day weekend, and he's already shitfaced. He fell of the dock TWICE and insisted on wearing a life jacket on dry land.
So that's all you want from me. Easy ass.
And an everlasting friendship
Just found out i over drew my checking account on a 711 hot dog
Do u remember buying that
I remember eating it on the curb like a drunken hobo
Did I tell you that I told him I deleted his dick pics and he almost started crying?
You've got the chocolate, drugs and my pants. You hold all the cards...
yes that’s a photo of a horny gay donkey
Oh I know. I’ve known many horny gay donkeys in my time.
Good morning beautiful! Wanna steal a cat this weekend?
She’s the kind of asshole whose face I want to put on a T-shirt just so I can go outside and burn it.
Randomize
