She said to delete the bj video, but I accidentally hit the 'send to her bf' button. My bad
I knew the cheap date at Taco Bell would backfire because it makes even the most pre-cautious girls involuntary fart in public
my debit card account is gonna say movie, movie, ice cream, movie, cheese fries, get a fucking life, movie
Were making a bet for which twin will relapse while in rehab. I'm going for the chubbier one
Most eventful shower ever. Jacked off, peed and puked in there.
Still borderline I believe. As bad as this sounds, I feel God owes me one here and should not let his grandmother die till after my birthday
We built a fire and had sex in the kiddie pool. Then he washed my hair
Strong work
He's living a porn movie. He's slept with a waitress at her work for lunch, a bar tender at the bar that night, and the cleaning lady the next morning.
I'm gonna get drunk in the shower and yell at my parents during dinner. Have fun in Texas.
I am naked in a blanket sprawled on my bed eating a pastry. This is all I want out of life. Ever.
All I know is I woke up with his business card in my bra and in my handwriting on the back it says 8 inch.
You must have my penis confused with someone else's...which is disappointing
Naked and Afraid: Hangover edition
The dentist walked in on me trying to bottle some laughing gas to take home with me. That high.
Your Saturday night was spent at the opera, mine was spent exchanging naked pics with a hot middle aged man that is so ripped that he looks like he's photoshopped. This is why we're blood sisters. We balance each other out.
I hate you so hard.
Randomize
