absolutely not. he will always be that kid that threw up a ham and cheese sandwich in fourth grade to me.
I wonder how many times I can be hungover in one day
Dude, the women on the view have some valid arguments
You know how I know you're gay?
Nah you can have him. There's too many men in my life right now. I can't handle another dick.
Is it possible to just pretend that everything we did after grilling up your goldfish didn't happen?
When you and that girl went into the bedroom, you yelled "FOR NARNIA!"
I'm reliable. I always make it home. I always throw up in the street too.
He made a toga out of my hot pink bed sheets and cracked an egg on his head. Then he proceeded to alphabetize our DVD collection, which was impressive because I'm 99% sure he couldn't have done that sober.
Denim handjobs are the worst handjobs. I hate all handjobs. Why do people even.
Any sexual interaction is meaningless without pizza during half time.
If I could go one week without being called a maneater or a spanish trolip that would be great.
i'm high and self actualising, please send help
I'm sitting at my kitchen table alone dressed as a dinosaur smoking bowls in the dark. Is this rock bottom? Or is this living the dream? Who's to say
Dude did you see that video of yourself crying while bathing in vodka on YouTube?
That chick keeps sending eggplant emojis
Welcome to dating in the digital age. Better catch up now that you’re divorced
and eggplant is code for penis. It means she’s DTF. Go get her tiger!!!
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