He shit in the bushes next to the pool at the Venetian, after throwing up in the hallway. You really can do anything in Vegas.
you handed me your bra at the bar and said 'hold my purse'
Just grabbed my laptop and a beer to take a shit. Mom gave me a look of disgust. I miss college.
mind if i send you a dick pic? so you can see what she wasn't doing right?
Morning yack off the fire escape. Girl walking by was mortified. Gooooooooo Ducks!!
I want to be you.
This will be the 3rd time you have blacked out and lost your phone only to have some kind stranger find it, charge it, call me, then mail it back to you. Your luck amazes me...
You need to call dibs on the blond with the tits. It's your birthday.
Haha hell yea
Because if someone gets to see those.. It should be you. It's like God telling you Happy Birthday.
Somehow he made it really romantic
He came on your tits... That doesn't scream romance to me.
This is not a costume party, I'm just wearing fairy wings.
Of course you are.
Why is everyone judging me for telling the cat a bedtime story?
I hummed the theme from jaws while she was taking the pregnancy test....needless to say she was not pleased
I've come to the conclusion, I should prob have at least 20 hr supervision. I would say 24, but I'm guaranteed to pass out for at least 4 hrs a day
I trusted a fart in Toronto. NEVER TRUST A FART IN TORONTO.
He took home that trashy slut from Bama but a NFL Lineman was just in my DMs so... who’s the real winner here
She’s fine. Found her in the bathtub eating Cheerios and watching Rugrats on an iPad.
Randomize
