I accidentally burped into my bong.
I think condoms have that nasty latex smell to remind you in the morning of how gross you are.
she went home with me because she said i reminded her of paul rudd. remind me to thank him for his awkwardness
look. either you want to have late night naked sleep overs or you don't. do not involve dinner and extraneous conversations in this relationship.
herpes texted me again. he says he wants my vagina.
ok we should really consider changing this guys nickname...
So I think his penis grew over the weekend. Is that possible or does absence make the dick grow longer?
Lol I just left. He's funny and he's cute. Downside: he thinks he can outdrink us
I want you to come over here and spit coffee in my mouth like a momma bird feeding a baby bird. That hung over.
as he was fingering me, all I was thinking about was how lucky his girlfriend is...
Welp last night I made out with the guy who slices my deli meat at publix. I'm sure there's a joke there but I'm too hungover to find it. Go noles.
He fucked me so hard my nail polish actually chipped. I'm keeping him.
My phone just said I texted someone at 430a and said let's fight. Then I texted them an hour later and said thanks.
Dude I used amphetamines responsibly today though. I snorted one in the am for work and then chewed one in the pm for other work. I'm an adult.
That was the most spiritually awakened shit I have ever taken.
I’d say they were worth it. He screamed “your tits are fanfuckingtastic!”while he was cumming
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