saw a man at the beach in a red speedo. when he rolled over he unintentionally displayed a HUGE skid mark.
so, not only did she give him head while i was asleep next to them, apparently, it was bad head...
Are you serious?
yeah... as often as she does that, you'd think she'd be good at it...
It's going to be nice going to the airport without drugs taped to my balls like last year.
As I was going down on her I noticed she had a tatoo on her inner thigh that said "Eat it like your birthday cake".
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns.
I dont have any paper so I'm writing class notes on my first response direction pregnancy paper. Judging eyes are all around.
You know when you blow me it's the softest, most amazing feeling ever. Like putting my dick in a silk bag filled with puppy ears.
I just had a contest with the toilet to see who could hold their breath longest.
I won
Well, he asked what my sign was, then proceeded to critique me on my beer pong stance... I really need to raise my standards.
Did I wash my face last night at your house? Where did my eyebrows go??
Sooooooo this guy just asked me if I'd be interested in a threesome... I'm considering bc I would get to hang out with his dog afterwards.
I fucked a French man last night. 5 Times. Ashed my cig in his cactus. That later set on fire while we were having sex.
He has me blocked on facebook.... so I stalked him using my cats fan page.
guess who smoked weed with their grandpa tonight. and no it wasn't me.
His mom just pulled off a quadruple cockblock. I'm not sure if I'm mad or impressed?
Randomize
