My dad just sent me a text telling me to "say hi to all the luscious bitches" at the gay bar. Guess this explains my childhood
I just masturbated into a dress sock. I feel fancy
i just realized i dont have a sober facebook picture since 2007
i kinda regret how quickly i gave it up to him, but i just wanted the regular fucking to begin soon. ah we made good memories.
so i don't know how many beers it takes to make a recliner look like a toilet, but that's how many i had.
she blew me in the men's room in the restaurant. it was a french bistro, so it was okay
Just put a sign on a baby carriage that says "all daddy wanted was a blowjob" might get fired.
She's running around bumping into to people trying to keep a balloon she filled with vodka in the air. Please tell me she has a secret off switch you didn't tell me about.
If I were you I'd use my green card to do more coke and less talking
this probably sounds so sketchy, but hes going to jail in a month so he needs a place to crash for now. Hes sick though, and hes paying half our rent
She took the fish and put it in the hot tub, then turned on the jets. She said she was training it for the Olympics.
I know what you meant. If you want babies in time for your birthday, we gonna need either a time machine or a ski mask.
If there's one thing I learned yesterday, it's that if I really wanted to I could be mayor of Toronto.
MILK DIDN'T HELP. IT'S NOT HELPING
If you ever tell anyone I offered you boob squeezes for cheetos, I'll kill you
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