please say your awake. the girl i brought home last night...any idea on a name? she isnt up yet...
Fun fact: he pulled out my nuva ring while he was fingering me.. he looked really confused at me and it a couple of times, so i just said "surprise! not only is it good for pleasure, it's also really handy for storing plastic toys." I'm thinking he's definately gonna call.
That level of neurosis does not find love outside of Grey's Anatomy.
Memory from last night that just came back: me forcibly jacking him off while he yelled I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS
HE KEEPS WALKING AWAY. IT'S LIKE HE DOESN'T EVEN LIKE FRIES. WTF.
Guys, right now i need a picture of a squirrel, preferably with one of you guys but not necessary.
She had forties taped to her hands and was trying to give him a hand job while he was passed out, with everyone in the living room.
I'm not surprised. You have the libido of an Italian soccer team.
He tried to tell me that he could handle his liquor better than "all the bitches in this town." AS HE THREW UP. ALL. OVER.
so apparently last weekend we taught the mascot how to shotgun beers. am i winning college yet?
I honestly don't understand how your night went from singing a touching rendition of Africa to an angry political rant to low key trying to find a frat boy to bang to doing dishes to yoga
It finally happened my mom knowingly gave me money to buy drugs i knew this day would come\n
Relationship goals: we both wore red underwear tonight. Except he won’t know because my bra been off but it’s the thought that counts I guess.
I tried making my own red bull with crushed up caffeine pills, bubbley water and flintstones chewable vitamins. The ER doctor sead I'm lucky to be alive.
Omg, new summer goal: sex in a bouncy castle.
Randomize
