My ass is singing 4 different tunes right about now... Taco Bell was a bad idea!
Is masturbating to pics of your ex on Facebook considered cheating?
You are proof that most things are best left unsaid.
Where are you? I just made a vodka + cranberry & I’m going to drive there & throw it in your face
so whats your words to drink to for the state of the union? mine are 'change' 'fight' and 'you know'.
mine is 'the'.
then he said "your boobs looked so much bigger on girls gone wild"
I forgot about that,good spring break.
My cousin's dog just exhaled smoke. My job here is done.
i just realized that the oil change sticker on my windshield is a day before the last time i had sex. I've driven exactly 10500 miles since.
you need to get laid.. and an oil change.
Bro, he broke his neck diving into a kiddy pool.
Do you think it's wrong for me to hop on that dick before he realizes that he's gay?
My hungover walk of shame was interrupted by a stranger on a balcony throwing me a beer to shotgun... at 10 a.m....
I threw your vagina at him like a grenade. And sweet Jesus he caught it like a champ
I've faked every orgasm I've ever had, I think I can fake being sick for 8 hours.
I thought I'd never say this, but if I had to choose between these cookies and sex, it would be these cookies
my goldfish that i got the day i lost my virginity just died. im terrified as to what this symbolically means for my sex life
It's to the point where if a guy can so much as find my clit, I'll consider him amazing in bed
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