Hey was my sperm eye the same day I crapped myself?
are you just going to ignore any texts involving my penis from now on? because thats going to shut down a pretty sizeable portion of our conversations.
It feels like I've shaved away my winter coat and my vagina is going to freeze if I go outside.
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.
Thank god the bicycalist i hit was on drugs
Just had a horrible realization. I've fucked a guy with a webbed foot AND a guy with a third nipple.
He took a picture with a naked dude. I think he just walked out of that deep ginger closet.
IT WAS SO BIG. I FORGOT GOD MADE THEM LIKE THIS.
You went streaking and came back with your shirt inside out. Then said "it happens in the line of duty" and passed out.
Totally uneven. One tiny pussy lip that almost didn't exist and one giant lip that unfurled liked 5 different times half way down her leg and could have been used to hoist the mainsail on a pirate ship.
In a bar surrounded by couples hooking up. I'm just staring at one. Not drunk enough. Come save me.
Ok well i was gonna say you can only borrow my fog machine if you will use it to emerge from your room in a cloud of smoke after having sex with sarah, so yeah we're good
Are cops allowed to hit on you if they're in uniform?! Serious question.
gay sex achievement: unlocked
what
you told me you were going out for groceries!!
I just made the most “single life” Amazon order ever: protein bars and condoms.
Randomize
