youre so sexy i want your bod
dude, did you turn gay?
heather?
this is jacob
You drank the expired grape juice because you were convinced it had fermented into wine...you have a problem.
FOR A FUCKING 40?! A FUCKING 40?! YOU GAVE THE CAT AWAY FOR BEER?!
he was persistant. I supposedly owe him a bj from high school.
The only downside so far to having a guy roommate is that when he's doing a walmart run, I just can't bring myself to ask him to pick up a pregnancy test for me. I feel like that's just too much too soon.
dude. we need more in our fridge then just beer and applesauce.
may have given a homeless man 70 dollars in exchange for his sandals. so yea, i'm going as jesus for next halloween.
there was a fucking fire juggler. but it was ok bc i was in the kiddie pool and it was the safe zone
I pulled my bra out of my dress and handed it to my mom..at cocktail hour during the wedding.
He could smell the liquor on my breath. Fuck. I thought he would smell French toast.
Then you better bring Starbucks and a box of condoms in the morning.
Oh shit. This is getting real.
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
Red Alert: She has 3 cats, a parrot, and 2 rats. Initiate Protocol Zero and rendezvous at Checkpoint Bravo for debriefing
I'm not coming to work today because tequila
He told his wife he was too old to pretend to be straight. She tried to argue. He walked two tables over and was like this is my highschool sweetheart and he's an excellent fuck, we're running away together. It was epic.
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