perhaps when you are drinking red wine from a tall glass with a straw it is time to call it a night.
So he passed out in the bathroom of the bar, woke up thinking he was somewhere else and called her flipping his shit because he thought she left him. She had to go into the men's bathroom to find him, and then he told her she was "trying too hard to be his girlfriend" over and over again.
Dont they live together now? Havent they been together for like two years?
Yeah. That's the best part. I always thought he was kind of a pussy but turns out he's a degenerate just like us. Welcome
just because she threw up on my junk doesnt mean i dont like asians anymore
we smoked out of your homemade aunt jamima bong
Memorial weekend is going to be amazeballs. Jungle juice, drunk guys, and my vagina being stimulated by the vibrations of a 4 wheeler. I mean there is no way that can go wrong.
it was like lady and the tramp only with a jello shot on the pool table
It feels like I'm breathing out my heart and it spreads through my limbs to my fingertips.
I never appreciated sexting until I went to rehab
Well, now that you have a gf, its gonna be awkward when I get drunk and make out with you..... Then later, pretend like I don't remember.
Plus, I've always wanted to drive in rush hour with a huge cock drawn on my hood
I just realized in a weird reversed way I hustled a stripper last night
He used one of his curtains as a leash and hand restraints. He wins the creative sex challenge hands down.
You know you're drunk when you're apologizing for your asshole at 4am to the toilet. Eat shit habanero bbq sauce, you've ruined my life.
he told me he didn't like my name so he was going to call me Casey instead
We hotboxed his bathroom. going to be a good night
Hotbox went wrong - smoke sets off fire alarm. Firefighters coming
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